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this feels like it's true in spirit but dramatically falls apart when you are married to someone and have mutual obligations. we share bank accounts, residence, and debts. I can see anything he buys and am responsible for it. that's what marriage is. we are not legally distinct entities anymore.

I would never demand a password to any account or device, and that is certainly a red flag, but I need to be able to continue paying rent and addressing our mutual, shared, legally indistinct financials. I don't need to exercise power of attorney to do this, nor is that desirable for either of us?

this will be even more acute when we have kids together. like seriously, this man has my social security number. he is obligated to give it in order for me to have health insurance. we have shared accounts. we are both on this lease. it would be *very* cost/time consuming to dissolve this union.

but if you're married, you are now in a situation where someone acting autonomously is no longer legally distinct from you. it's a big deal & it's why you should seriously consider if you want this before marrying someone. you're not going to have a great time being married if you refuse to combine.