I think about raising my sons in this world that does not reward gentleness. I think about the day, soon, when I will have to tell them that they have a tremendous privilege: the world will always give them more than it gives others, and they must use that to stand up for others
Crucially, none of that work really involves bothering women and asking them what to do. Instead you take stock of your privilege and think “how can I upset the status quo in ways that others can’t? What discomfort can I risk for myself that would cost someone else more?”