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I turn 38 this Saturday, 31st of October 2026. I have never cared much for birthdays. There were the standard birthday parties in childhood but by the time I reached 14 or 15, these were down to one or two people, always casteist Savarnas.

I did not feel like leaving my room much outside of riding my bicycle.

There was something to be happy about while I was in a serious, committed relationship with my former partner. Those were small celebrations usually. I ceased accepting gifts from the casteist biological Hindutva-slave household.

These were never simply birthday gifts, these always had the deep suffering of caste and of all of the lies that they choke on with every breath.

My 38th birthday is this Saturday, 31st of October 2026.

It has been about half a year where I have had some distance from the casteist biological Hindutva-slave household, immediate and extended. My mental, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual health are better. Much better. I actually look at notifications on social media and respond accordingly.

I don't have physical community here in Kitchener. I don't know how to get there. There aren't active BIPOC Buddhist groups here.

There is one Buddhist/meditation group whose flyers I have seen in a few places but they have been documented as lacking seriousness and ethics on the Buddhist controversies blog (buddhism-controversy-blog.com).

I'm not going to celebrate. I don't have any money to be doing that with. But I will be happy.

I'll have free meals and likely spend my time walking around giving my thanks to trees who have always been my family, always given me shelter, always protected me, always cared for me, and taught me more about humanity than I have experienced from the people around me.

I've been meditating on the various forms of control and domination implemented by the casteist biological Hindutva-slave household. One of the tings that they do in childhood is to shave off all of the child's hair at a temple.

The temple is where caste is reinforced and communicated. Perhaps the cutting of the child's hair has some sort of implementation of caste-possession upon the child's body.

I recall seeing my baby teeth kept in a ziplock bag, I always found that weird. Why would anyone want or need to keep these things. What the point of this I don't know.

I may spend the rest of my life studying and trying to understand the dukkha of caste, testing my thoughts upon my own self where cessation of the dukkha of caste indicates truth.

I know it will not be the same this year because there are spaces where I may be present and be part of a community, an organized community run by people who work for an organization but a community nonetheless.

I have no interest in repeating such a lengthy span of non-interaction again. It was not a good, happy, or healthy existence.

I still don't have any employment, I do not have the ability to go full & complete no-contact with the biological casteist Hindutva-slave household. I do not know if I will ever be employed again. For now, I do not have to live in that ugly household.