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That’s exactly what my kids did when they saw me. No joke

Oh man... in that case you may be doomed. It may be that you've just been on a downward spiral toward greater nerd-dom for years. Nothing to do now but wrap the bridge of those glasses in tape and buy a pocket protector, i guess.

My good man, at least your prescription isn't so strong that it creates a displacement effect of the side of your head.

Woah look at fucken Elvis Costello over here!