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// clears throat // taps mic "One two three. Test. One two three" "Welcome to CSS D ... no, I need more gravitas. Could you turn up the bass just a little bit?"

"Welcome to ... what was the name again?" ... "But it's two days, right?" ... "Right. Ahem. Welcome to CSS Day-for-historical-reasons." ... "Not?" ... "Fine, fine. That's why we practice. Behind the scenes they're comically unready anyway. We have plenty of time."

"Wait, what? They announced the MCs? I thought I was going to be ..." ... "Right. Well, maybe next year." ... "Announce them right now? But ... but ... that '://' is always hell on my throat, and I'm not feeling ..." ... "Them? I though you would pay me. OK, fine, you convinced me. Here it goes:"

"There, what do you think?" ... "What do you mean 'all right'? It was a brilliant bit of announcement!" ... "That's because you're not a consummate professional." ... "OK. Well, see you next week." ... "Well, I'll do more announcements next week, right?" - "... right?"