Post

This isn't a usual post of mine, but I feel like finally talking about it. I'm limiting responses to these following posts, as the intent isn't to seek out pity or anything. This is something I've been trying to process for a while. It's one of the core reasons why I fight/flight so much.

TW - Self Harm/Trauma My childhood wasn't great. Parents were mega emotionally abusive and actively beat me on a regular basis. After they had divorced, I took care of my mother who after years of recent therapy learned that she went through crazy lengths to manipulate and hurt me.

Toons were my peace. I drew toons all the time. My mother and my little sister despised it. Things were always so bad at the house I would lie to leave and get ANY sort of reprieve. My therapist asked me years ago if I had -any- good memories of back then. I couldn't think of a single one.

She would often drive me out to the highway and tell me to 'walk into traffic'. She would also offer her opioids as a means to 'make things easier' for everyone. I convinced myself 20 years ago that all that never happened. Maybe I gaslit myself into thinking I did something wrong.

When she passed, I was roughly 18-19. My father flew in from WA state to CA to take me away, where I lived for a couple years with my sisters. Everything happened so fast, and before I knew it I left WA to finally live the life I wanted. To be an artist. So I've drawn toons for 20 years...

I received something in the mail a few months back. A life insurance policy (of which I wasn't made aware of until now) with my name as the insured's name. My mother the recipient. I can tell myself now that my life is better...and that I have people in my life that genuinely care...

But the nightmares came flooding back. And the hurt and pain experienced as a child The last few months have been some of the most emotional tumultuous times I've experienced in a long time. I just want to say I'm truly sorry for vanishing again. This fandom means so much to me

I've never allowed myself to be this openly vulnerable before. It's scary. Extremely. But I'm not getting younger. Frankly I just want to post toons and share what makes me happy, always. ESPECIALLY in spite of the horror and upbringing I had. I want to give what my family couldn't.

I want to post and share this because I want to move on. This trauma has taken such a grip in the entirety of my life, that all I want to do is just finally focus wholeheartedly on the things that matter most. My friends. My chosen family. My toons.