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I think I’ve found a good use for this platform as a place to collect my thoughts that is not Meta but more public than my journal. Hi I’m Marcelle. I used to go by Marc and I came out as trans about a month ago. 🧵🪡

I remember a night 16 years ago. I was out with friends in the LGBTQ+ district of Tokyo. I had been out as bi for maybe a couple years, DADT had been repealed, and I was having the time of my life. The GF made an observation that would echo in my head “I’ve never seen you code switch before”

From that day on I started pulling the string to finding out who I am, what do I want for myself, and what am I carrying that no longer serves me? 2020 I was about two years before retiring from the service which raised more pointed questions about identity. Who am I after I take off the uniform?

With the pandemic doing its thing I had a lot of time to consider the overlapping circles that my life is made up of and when I got asking what does my own masculinity mean to me I was faced with a big nothing. No deep rooted understanding, nothing I hold on to, It was a biological default.

I had arrived at agender and that gave me solace. In that space I went from quietly despising myself to ok with myself. I didn’t necessarily like the body I was in but it was the vehicle that had gotten me through life so far and that was good enough.