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I struggle with this as well. Only thing that has worked so far is filtering out which dependencies matter (major versions, EPSS) + sacrifice some build reproducibility (org managed parent pom that forces patches) + have less stuff (modulith your many microservices). But I want better.

Speaking of NPM, there is also a danger in automating too well and opening yourself up to supply chain attacks. Like you said, so much depends on trust. Security vendors, in my experience, are still too reactive on this front.