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been thinking about my queer friends and fam a lot this week. the inauguration, the hard right shift in the tech bubble. I have two moms and a trans dad. I grew up in the 80s in oregon, when there were aggressive anti-gay measures on the ballots. (me at portland pride with my moms in the 80s)

I was a kid, so I had trouble understanding the ballot measures. I knew my mom was a teacher, and that some people thought gay people shouldn’t teach. Those people thought gay people shouldn’t adopt, and I didn’t really understand that, so I thought it meant they might take me from my mom.

My moms were activists. The ballot measures were generally defeated by the efforts of many such activists. I got my first corporate job in 2005. I watched the rise of the corporate pride floats. I enjoyed talking shit with my friends on Capitol Hill in Seattle about businesses ruining pride.

But yesterday… I found myself missing it? I miss it when of COURSE major corporations give their ERGs money for a float, it’d be corporate suicide not to support gay rights. I thought — trans rights are coming too, the arc of the universe is bending linearly towards justice.

And that was foolish of course. Progress doesn’t come linearly. But damn, it stings to realize I feel a little less safe talking about my family today than I did 10 years ago.

So fuck it. I’m gonna tell the internet about my family. My dad was trans. He transitioned when I was young, and became a sweet, calm old man. I didn’t think much of it. He told me he felt more like a man. He took up gardening. He calmed down. We learned to shave together. He loved his grandkids.

This leads to my favorite sentence, which is — “my dad was a lesbian folk singer.” I wonder if I’m the only person who can say that! I spent a lot of time at women’s music festivals as a kid. His music changed when he transitioned. It’s hard as a professional musician to navigate a brand new voice.

(When I was a teenager punk rock was my favorite thing on the planet, but as a wrinkly old man myself now I play the folk music he taught me. I love playing his songs, even though I only know a couple.)

My other parents were awesome too. My bio mom taught hard of hearing and deaf kids. My other mom is an ordained minister who went to seminary at Yale, and was a minister for 40 years before retiring. She’s the most well read person I know.

I’m very proud of my family. And I’m very proud of all of my trans friends, and their families. I’m thinking of you, and your kids. I remember what it’s like when your country seems to tell you, “your family isn’t right, we don’t know if we’ll let you keep it.” It’s awful, and I’m sorry.