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What you ideally want is a sort of cancer sniffing Dolly Parton

CORRECTION: Hospital decides to save faces and discontinue the use of cancer-sniffing leopards.

And the cat box was too heavy for the staff.

How many men tried to fight it

More of an emotional support animal really

if not friend, why friend-shaped

CAT-scan anyone?

To be fair, would not be the craziest medical story right now

So YOU'RE the jerks who fired my cousin 😡

LOL

Frankly, I don’t see how it could cost more than an oncologist.

Does it also eat faces? Diversification.

I can safely say this is the first time (and perhaps last) I have ever laughed about something related to cancer.

Smallest leopard ever!

There is horse loose in a hospital. “I have hired a leopard. I hired the best leopards. Everybody says I hire the leopards. Some people say ‘don’t hire leopards they’ll eat people’s faces’. But I say The leopards won’t eat faces because they like me.”

Once again they work to deprive us of jobs!

It's the same problem with an emotional support leopard.

So much for that “do no harm” BS.

ugh, guess we're back to the cancer-sniffing leper

I guess there is too much distraction from all the head pets.

Sounds like a skill issue. I would simply bribe the cancer-sniffing leopard with meat and toys to behave.

Can't possibly be worse than our current healthcare system

So, you're saying it's up for adoption?

GOOD BABY KITTY!

Meow!

They decided among the staff to just have Steve take the patient's bedding to the Leopard enclosure before it goes to the cleaning service. The vote among staffers was nearly unanimous, with only Steve dissenting.

I would still try to pet

Sniffs, locates and removes...

He also wants to be a cancer-eating leopard and that's fairly problematic

Never thought he'd eat *my* face.

“The good news is it turns out your uncle’s cancer was in remission before the leopard’s jaws fatally clamped down oh his throat.”

BULLSHIT! I'll take my chances!

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 🐆🤕

“For the kitty,” I say as I step into the x-ray room once more without a lead vest

🤦🏽‍♂️🤦🏽‍♂️🤦🏽‍♂️

Is that because people like me would intentionally risk cancer to spend time with the murder kitty?

Turns out the gall durn libterd covid mask kept it from getting a clean chomp on patients' neck.

🤣🤣🤣😋🤣😂

Death by being mauled by a leopard or from cancer? It's a tough decision

This maybe my all time favorite Onion.

Leopards-eating-faces party to vote against this.

typical close minded mainstream medicine

It's a metaphor!