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The Onion
@theonion.com

“Generations of us have enjoyed driving out to this secluded little perch for sucking face, and now this giant corporation wants to make it some sort of growth investment,” said longtime Fredericktown resident Diane Moseley

theonion.comSmall Town’s Make-Out Point Purchased By Multinational Make-Out ConglomerateFREDERICKTOWN, MO—In a move many residents of this tight-knit community say jeopardizes the beloved scenic hideaway, a multinational make-out conglomerate announced Tuesday that it had purchased the s...

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Emily
@emilyyour8.bsky.social

Randy teens will now have to purchase time at the scenic hideaway using an app that offers priority reservations for those willing to pay for the premium version which offer the best views and 10% fewer surveillance cameras for maximum romance.