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The Onion
@theonion.com

“At your age, it’s perfectly normal to notice some changes—your metabolism slows down, your hair starts thinning, and occasionally your body begins assembling unused cartilage and tissue into a smaller, extremely wet person.” — Dr. Alan Keller

theonion.comDoctor Reassures Patient That Lump Probably Just Body Making Extra GuyCOLUMBUS, OH—Telling the 54-year-old there was no reason to panic over the fist-sized bulge that had recently begun shifting beneath the skin of his abdomen, local physician Alan Keller reportedly rea...

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RüNER
@runer.bsky.social

If you’ve ever lived there, you know that this is basically what healthcare is like in Columbus too 🤣🤣🤣😭. Seriously Ohio healthcare is a joke, to where all of my doctors here have told me Ohio expats often cite that as being one of the main reasons they leave the state. Don’t believe OSU.