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The first thing that happens in the next chapter is Mrs Bennet hustles everybody out of the room so Mr Collins can be alone with Elizabeth, so Mrs Bennet is now my enemy.

What follows is the longest proposal I have ever witnessed in my life. How many breaths does this man have to take to get this proposal out???

Someday we all must die, and this proposal could unfurl alongside us most of the way there, I’m pretty sure.

Elizabeth says no, and Collins is like, “Aha! I have heard it is customary for ladies to play hard to get at first when they actually mean to accept a proposal. Very good, very good! How customary! For lady! A lady-custom! A custom of lady that actually ultimately means a yes for me!”

I could die now.

Oh wait he just said he can’t imagine lady CdB disliking Elizabeth, so maybe we can file that away for comfort for other reasons.

Oh he’s noticed that she might be saying no, and he’s unhappy about it, yet somehow still in denial.

Elizabeth knows Collins is pissy about her rejection, and she hopes that he will leave early because of it. In this respect, and I’m sure many others, he disappoints.

Wow, there is nothing more relatable than anxiously dissecting a text message to excavate hidden meaning, which the two older Bennet sisters do when Jane receives an uncharacteristically polite letter from Caroline, the Bingley who sucks.

“Caroline is incapable of willfully deceiving anyone,” Jane remarks, and I soooort of unfortunately agree with her. Caroline is a huge pain in the ass, but she’s gonna be real with you. But this whole business about how Bingley might prefer Darcy’s sister is setting my teeth on edge!

Jane has the doe-eyed optimism of charmed-life hotties everywhere, so her anxiety over Bingley has such a weight! I’m now also anxious about it because Jane is anxious about it! Elizabeth is smart and witty, but she can’t convince me not to be worried about Caroline’s letter!!

OH NO POOR CHARLOTTE.

“ —it was the only honourable provision for well-educated young women of small fortune, and however uncertain of giving happiness, must be their pleasantest preservative from want.”

“This preservative she had now obtained; and at the age of twenty-seven, without having ever been handsome, she felt all the good luck of it.” God. Austen is just gonna take my heart out, drop it like an ungainly water balloon, and watch it explode over reading about how Charlotte thinks of herself.

Sometimes brevity is not the soul of wit. Sometimes you’re Jane Austen, and you got wit strung through the longest sentences known to Regency. How dare!!!

Austen makes it so clear the stakes are different for Charlotte and Elizabeth. It’s an instance where youth is an ephemeral currency (it’s not even quite a privilege in the sociological sense here, but it lives around there) foisted onto women. Elizabeth doesn’t need Mr Collins. Charlotte does.

And Charlotte is relieved the responsibility of her care won’t fall to her brothers. That suuuuucks!!!

GIVE CHARLOTTE A GUN.

The vibe of this book is very much, “These people are ridiculous, but the stakes are real and matter,” which also feels veRY PERTINENT TO THE TODAY-TIMES SOMEHOW.

Okay Mrs Bennet bring “thrown into an agony of ill humour” about Collins and Charlotte is a little bit funny.

Mrs Bennet is so stressed right now, and she’s a little more than unhappy the estate is going to Charlotte and Mr Collins. Meanwhile Lady CdB wants Charlotte to become Mrs Collins ASAP.

As ridiculous as Mrs Bennet is written, I’m not sure I’m enjoying Mr Bennet being as laid back or even as passively antagonistic as he is? What’s his deal? Why is he acting all Whatever about all this?

“Mr Collins is a conceited, pompous, narrow-minded, silly man!” Tell us how you really feel, Elizabeth lol (she’s correct, though)

one thing adaptations often miss is that he sucks soooooo muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Youth is thinking he's funny, age is realising what a dick he is and how poorly he provided for his family in the event of his death 😔