Jeff Long

Sorry I can't today, celebrating April Fools with the family.

Come on Google do you have to correct every little damn mistake I make I am only human, let me live my life

Just wait a god damn second, have I been using women’s golf balls this whole time?!

Beautiful day to be out there shanking some balls.

This sounds great and all, but why garlic bread in the park and not unlimited breadsticks at Olive Garden?

Next time you struggle with a workout remember that sweat is just jira tickets leaving the body

Hey what the hell

Tried the expensive protein bar, pretty gross. Great macros, but for the price and taste still can't beat Barebells. Feels like I'm stealing someones food too, sorry Dave.

Wait it’s pepto bismol not pepto bismo?

Hate it when I log into the AWS console and it randomly decides to default my region to Skibidi Ohio...

Real bummer about bluesky shutting down... this RedNote app is a great alternative though!

If you buy a 3d printer, you too can be the proud owner of a gold Picolas Cage

A competent team with a realistic chance at winning championships would keep fans from selling tickets. You know what doesn't help? Telling everyone you only care about selling tickets.

Rubber duck programming is great, but I prefer Caleb Williams programming. “Ok Caleb so by calling reduce here, an accum..” <sacked for loss of 13 yards>

In one hour it will be 2025, and you know what that means. That’s right, Xfinity is about to bless me with more data!

Parenting milestone: daughter just called me bruh for the first time. So based.

At the vet and this branding for gloves was a choice. What are you doing to my cat back there night angel?

Imagine all of the new kitchen appliances and gift cards you get to split from the wedding too, brilliant

Tried to have AI create a new Drake meme with a third panel and what... memers: your jobs are safe.

This has to be one of the biggest data leaks of all time everyuuid.com

Another day, another accidental `git commit -am --amend`

How do I get some of this Hawk Tua coin? Trying to buy the dip...

It's wild to me that Bo Nix has his own operating system and still comes in clutch on Monday Night Football, like how?

You don't know me.

It’s 274k bananas, Michael, how much could it cost, 3 million dollars?

Hello police, I’d like to report a crime…

Where is the trending section on Bluesky? Missing some of the quality topics from Twitter and would love to see them here...

Skeet on this bitches

This is what happens if you slack me with nothing but “hey”. Thanks.

Really cool that @clickhouse.com included my blog post in their November newsletter 🎉🎉🎉 clickhouse.com/blog/202411-...

TouchTunes review just showed up... am I using this right?

This multi day power outage has made me wild. Feral. Belong the streets. No time.

Idk man I have a pretty nice gaming laptop. 4090, OLED w/ 240hz..

I don’t know how we got here, but Whoop is recommending I go to bed at 1:48am.

Wanted to express my love for noodles so I updated my handle.

Going to try and tweet more here, other Twitter is getting weird. This Twitter seems ok.

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