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I love Ludum Dare, love running it. Few know how much I've sacrificed to keep it going. I sincerely tried to find work, jobs, arrangements that could afford me to keep it going, but after more than a year of reflection AND my complete utter failure to secure any job (useful to LD or not) broke me. 😔

It was inevitable. I've debated quitting dozens of times, but as everything I tried to build in parallel around me failed, running LD was both the thing that saved me and my prison. If I don't hang on I have nothing, I'm nobody. It also means everything, having a way to help so many like me. 🥹

I never felt I was a charitable person growing up. I was however someone that always bent over backwards for friends. My bonds with people are precious to me. In my mind I've never been popular, important, or famous, I just had friends...lots of friends. HOLY CRAP LD IS A FRIEND MAKING MACHINE! 😳

I think this illustrates my dilemma. Ludum Dare has been a gift, a way for me to make and reach so many friends, many I don't even know I have yet 🥹. Meeting fans of the event makes me so happy ☺️. I felt like such an ass the first time, I desperately needed to teach myself how to take praise 😅.

Part of me could just continue to do it...which is how we got here. 😅 Though I refused to see it, the commitment has been self destructive. There might have been a way out, but trying and failing to be taken seriously has taken its toll. You're not a skilled enough developer. You run a website.

I pride myself on my technical skill, my ability to solve hard problems, but it's true I don't spend everyday in the trenches like I once did. I'm confident I can tackle anything, but I can't give a next day lecture on it, nor can I tell you the perfect solution to anything, only that I can find it.