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Starting the morning with BadBrain. I saw a few "year I started drawing to now" posts on my feed and got incredibly frustrated, again, with how I keep fucking locking up and trauma dumping on what is basically easy exercises. I am pushing myself to get over this fucking wall but goddamn is it hard.

I sometimes mention this, but not knowing how to draw was one of the primary reasons I had to switch from game design/development in college to the linux-focused networking technology major that I inevitably graduated with. That was when I was mentally and emotionally at the lowest point.

I do wonder if my brain, even after 15 years, subconsciously just locks up because it is trying to prevent another 2011 from happening, which ironically is causing me more mental and emotional suffering because of it. Because it associates drawing with the worst point in my life.