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My biggest sin is I’m too lazy to shop for things, so I buy everything, including furniture, on Amazon. I just bought a chair mat and it’s genuinely just a piece of fabric with a rug pattern printed on top. The desk is also a laminate photo of wood 😆

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If the chair mat breaks down and you're ever looking for a replacement, they sell a tempered glass floor "mat" on Amazon and it was maybe the best office purchase that was ever recommended to me off Twitter ( @rayredacted.com I think mentioned getting one)

Someone needs to introduce you to the joys of thrifting! There's usually a great "Discovery Shop" sponsored by the American Cancer Society somewhere nearby. People donate beautiful stuff as they upgrade or pass on Mom or Dad's stuff when they need a different kind of home. Great deals on nice things

Dump the chair mat and buy some non-marking rollerblade wheels for your chair. Saves your floor and you can zoom around in the chair. 😅

I do often think to myself "man I'm just too comfortable while working, what I need is a chair that is impossible to keep stationary and slowly rolls away from the desk"

A man of your distinction shouldn't be working with such trash. Throw that table away and consider taking a closet door off its hinges and putting it up on some cinder blocks instead. At least then you'd have honest materials and honest intentions.