Post

Orual
@nonbinary.computer

I see autistic masking discourse going around again. Neurotypical social norms *are* understandable. Acting neurotypical is doable if high effort (my mom is like this). You can get a long way by being a kind of weird that doesn't rub people the wrong way, which is much easier. But it hinges on this:

Orual
@nonbinary.computer

Neurotypical social norms are not actually mostly arbitrary bullshit! The specific mechanics can be silly for the same reason the vagus nerve is silly, evolution over time, but they're mostly active "I am mindful that you are another person with feelings and I am not treading on them" signalling.

Orual
@nonbinary.computer

With that as your lens, think about norms like leading with praise if you have bad news, asking how they're doing, giving a white lie answer to that question, even eye contact. And if you can't hit all the notes perfectly, you can at least be or act *sincere* in your caring.

Orual
@nonbinary.computer

Good actors don't perform by mimicking facial expressions blindly, they generally think of something that brings up the right emotions for the character and scene and then that shows through. I find ways to be curious about people, and to care about them as people, at least a bit.

1 repost75 likes

🐜 🍯 Anth-“unholy” Becker
@anthonybecker.bsky.social

This is interesting because you’re saying that neurotypical behavior can be consciously learned. What’s funny is that I’ve had to learn all the same things, in fact everyone has to. So in your view does autism just make these behaviors less intuitive?

wariziles
@riziles.bsky.social

As someone who has a job that requires masking 4-5 hours a day and sometimes more, let me tell you that life can get fucking exhausting and the burnout is brutal.