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I pretend to not have seizures. I shake, my vision splits, my neurons have their rave party, but I don’t want anyone to know. And if I get incapacitated, I APOLOGIZE to the person who can no longer speak to me! “I’m sorry that I’m going through hell right now.” Every goddamn time.

I was wondering why. – I feel guilty for not taking better care of myself. – I don’t want to alarm people because they always think they should be doing something. – Memory loss makes me very vulnerable. If inapacitated I have no idea what just happened, so I’m apologizing just in case.

When I put it like that, I guess acting this way makes sense. Before s standup show I explained that if I get a seizure someone should help me off the stage, and that conversation lasted for a very long time, I thought it would be straightforward. Epilepsy is incomprehensible to scientists too.