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But can I use the onion to humiliate my neighbors with my superior brain size from so many informative articles?

So we don't have to sell our souls? Sounds too good to be true.

(at first, I selected the word 'member' to stay with the comment.. but when I wrote .. "I dOn gotta show you no member" .. well, some may take that the wrong way!)

😆

www.youtube.com/watch?v=_S5C...

Again with the “is it satire?” content!

So sad. 😞

G.I. Joke is on a break

How long could it be, before he starts showing his dick on signal chats?

Kool Aid top up.

bsky.app/profile/moth...

as the onion waltzes around distracting the audience from the men behind the curtain

Has Pete Hegseth ever considered drinking with Rudy Giuliani? They serve a nice house red at the Pickle Barrel - not just gin and tonics.

Love this!!!!!!!!!

Good. He’s finally become a pariah.

This just in......

Well done.

That poor liver

There's always El Salvador

😲his eyes are blood shot red…I wouldn’t want them looking across the table at me cause it may indicate the devil is plotting’ 🤬or he’s DUI

Its only a matter of time before he gets stuffed into a locker!

Unfit

All he did was look at it. He was that ashamed

I'm aware.

There's a new ale at my pub it's called beat headset you drunk bastard

Look at that Used, Abused, UGLY Face! My God, he has 2 be in overload mode drinking Day in & Day out! An Alcoholic is not rehabilitated just because he says: "Give me the job and I'll stop drinking!"...JFC!.. ReTHUGS R G*d Damn Wusses & Morons! Not one qualified candidate in Dump's entire Cabinet!

😹😹😹😹😹

🎶All By Himself🎶

👍 Drink lunch and throw axes alone... 🙀😕 Because he should not be allowed among normal people. 🛑👎

youtu.be/QRcWMHhxig8?...

music.youtube.com/watch?v=_S5C...

He ain't man enough to resign. He ain't patriotic enough to resign. His nazego drives his every breath.

Hegseth going on a bender, 4,3,2,1. He has imposter syndrome, he knows he is in over his head and is begging to get fired. Criminal con man trump prefers unqualified, easily manipulated puppets.

Don't let him practise his axe throwing after a liquid lunch..

You win the internet today 🤣

His eyes are so red he looks like he smoked with Snoop.

Whiskey Pete with his liquid lunch 🥴 🥃

When the 🧅 has better fundamentals than POX News

I know the feeling, the good thing is, you don't have to share.

Didn’t he promise not to drink if he were confirmed for secretary of defense? Isn’t it interesting how you cannot hide or bullshit your way through incompetence. It will burst through like the dawn of a new day. 😑 this entire sham administration will be exposed.

We are still waiting for his dismissal.

He’s radioactive ☢️🤣 he could move to Georgia and replace MTG in a heartbeat: voters aren’t very discerning 🧌 in her district 🧌

"Brown Bagging" Hegseth style.

If your reps are not loudly with the 14 members of Congress now supporting impeachment, call the Capitol switchboard (202) 224-3121 every day and ask why not. Or just go to their Congress website and email them every time you feel angry. It’s so therapeutic! (Please repost)

America - laughingstock of the world- brought to Putin by the 🤬💩and the broligarchs

He's just following in the footsteps of Rush Limbaugh.

😅

hahaha, I wish this was true. Good article

I have a question: could you substitute the booze he's drinking with urine? Could he tell the difference?

🤣🤣🤣

"healthy relationship" with family, which Pete justified the chat with, means a high level of support. It is unlikely that a person will drink like a pig. It can be assumed that he does not have such "healthy relationship" with his family. It is sad for our guys who are now at war.

Even his imaginary friend asked for a separate table.

"BRB. Gonna pause this attack until I can find a better cell signal everyone. –Petey"

It reads like a high school lonely guy story.

🤣🤣🤣

bsky.app/profile/5nar...

Hegseth explains how no secrets or plans were revealed in the signal chat: "Contrariwise, if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic." Lewis Carroll

Is that a 40 he is drinking???

So much for his sober journey. It's not that easy man. You need help.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

What an absurd world Trump's clown car administration is. The Onion writers can rely on real-world headlines dripping with pathetic humor.

Who cares? He should be fired anyway.

Ohhhh, The Onion. Long may you run.

This is exactly what I did!

"Ya ba Da ba Do, The King Is Gone And So Are You" George Jones

Paging Brett Kavanaugh, fellow wanker/alcoholic Hegseth needs a drinking companion

💙🐈🐈‍⬛💙 Yet he still finds time to grab a drink while war planning.

You guys are so funny, keep it up!

To end this with him asleep on the bathroom floor is genius. Thank you.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Hahaha!

Cheer up Pete, put a mini paper umbrella in your lunch cup

bsky.app/profile/phot...

Oh...look at those dark undereye rings. Now I see why he need a makeup room at the Pentagon. And I can bet it will also include a fully stocked bar and dance floor.

Aww poor baby 🤣😂 🖕 The 🍊

Be a man and be proud of drinking! Take it out of the bag.

Brutal

He belongs in a rehab clinic, not in the department of defense!

😂

Is he brown bagging his booze 🥃 now?

this is such a petty non-news thing to post about.

youtu.be/jEySyhgHRJw?...

While singing: "Here I am I'm drunk again!"

youtu.be/vyHVhBZTo9g?... WTF? An UNHINGED Pete Hegseth FAT SHAMES U.S. Soldiers on Live TV?! WHERE IS #ANDRY?

Funny how “sleeping your way to the top” is only a scandal when it’s a woman. Pete Hegseth literally cheated on his wife with his boss…and married her. Not a peep. Almost like the shame was never about sex. It was about who we think deserves power…🤔

I would like to give him some prohibition era bathtub gin. IYKYK

🤣😂

🤣😂

Looks like it

He’s accustomed to it.

It is wrong for Hegseth’s subordinates to be sabotaging him. He is fully capable of completely sabotaging himself. flip.it/jtvcJR

Signalgate Round 3 Hegseth is just a symptom Trump is the Cancer flip.it/WAWDnP

Him & George Thorogood 😏

At press time, a concerned Pentagon custodian had reportedly discovered Hegseth fast asleep on the restroom floor.

😄 Good One! 👍🥊🍸 FYI, suggested "Sidecar" as a Secret Service moniker for him, bc of the history of that cocktail & its name origin after WWII.

Off to the dust bin of history

I can see why his wife always looks so miserable

“Drink up, baby, stay up all night…”