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I've certainly often thought that my Excel formulas would benefit greatly from being rephrased to sound more casual by a little animated fluffy vomit guy.

Mr. Jaguar. It has gender now! maybe an albino!

Sort of like MAGA & donald trump

I miss the good old days when The Onion published satire.

Xero bookkeeping software - looking at you...

I kind of like the idea of a MacBook without ports, a screen, or a keyboard. 😁

Tim Hortons CEO

The new paradigm for civic and business institutions alike.

Skillz 🤷🏻

I'm not moved

"We'll save $2 per unit using an internal oil pump and making it belt run and lubing the belt with oil!" - Actual Ford cost saving strategy

First the Beaverton today, now the Onion. This is supposed to be satire not real!

And their follow up:

sounds like Adobe's business plan

Microsoft?

Rookie. Every good CEO knows you have to buy up or force out your competitors, and then make your product as shitty as possible.

I thought The Onion was a parody site?

VALUE ENGINEERING LOSER

Sounds like Hasbro.

The target audience is the investors, not the public; this is the root cause of our age's constant enshittification. Stock value is driven up by hype, so they change things even when there is no other reason to do so. Buzzwords like "AI-powered" makes it even worse.

I'll chose to think this is about Discord.

The Amazon, Google Search, Facebook, anti-repair and gig economy enshittification companies thought they were ineffable. It’s up to each of us to eff them.

When you think about it, it’s a hell of a job these men have created for themselves. For many years, you needed to create, think of something that didn’t exist, it required people with vision. Now, you just need to take the thing and destabilize it with cheaper parts. No thought at all.

Any one of these guys is one financial crisis away from being the next Alex Murdaugh.

When you think of shit, think Skydance.