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what new indignity does today hold

In approximately 16 hours I will return to New England for the first time since before Covid, hopefully to remain for at least the next 20 years. What a long, strange trip it's been

Two months, five rounds of interviews. She didn't get the job

Bitches be like "omg I needed this" and it's just 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep It's me. I'm bitches

Three year old was all excited to show me the new sticker she got at school today and I uh

The worst part about having kids: I have never felt the urge to abandon cities and go live in a rural cabin in the woods more strongly but also I now care what school district I live in

Everyone in my life is constantly making a stream of demands of me and no one is ever happy with me, possibly excepting the cats

Reposting this for 30,000 no particular reasons

You are like a little baby

Slightly diminish a band: The Spin LPNs

Slightly diminish a band: The Artist Formerly Known As Duke

Slightly diminish a band: Mildly Uncomfortable

Slightly diminish a band: Taylor Slightly Faster Than Average

Slightly diminish a band: 1pac

Slightly diminish a band: Hard of Hearing Leppard

Slightly diminish a band: A Really Good Circle

This is one of those days where I really need someone to tell me everything's going to be okay

Oh are we doing bean discourse again?

I am currently on the toilet. My three year old is banging on the door yelling "Daddy don't pee!" FML

Pandora woke up today and chose violence

To whoever taught my child how to say "I don't want to" what is your problem man

is the Kool-Aid Man the jar or the liquid *googles kool aid man* makes sense *googles jarman* wait what is happen-OH MY GOD

Would you still love me if I was...

I have a great Sisyphus joke but it's - wait, I fucked up, let me start over

You know, I've lived in some pretty liberal areas but I didn't know I was moving to a city with a goddamn statue of Lenin in it

@sentimentbot.bsky.social *braces*

I woke up in the middle of the night, fed you a bottle, changed your diaper, and now you need to be *rocked* to go back to sleep? Christ what a baby

I had forgotten just how truly terrible newborns are

Life with a newborn. Please just kill me

Inside each of us are two white guys. One of them is pretty fly

Look upon my works, ye mighty

This is great, I'm going to get a good grade in bluesky, a thing which is both normal to want and possible to achieve,

we used to be a proper country

Darren Aronofsky's "The Land Before Time"

Theory: all plumbers, electricians, general contractors, etc., are, in fact, traveling at an appreciable fraction of C. When they give you an arrival time, it's accurate *for their frame of reference*, however, several years will pass for an outside observer waiting for them to arrive.

him: what's your favorite season? me: fall of the bourgeoisie

So like, this is it, right? All of the important bits of the Constitution have been shredded. Separation of powers, checks and balances, completely meaningless. We can't put this genie back in the bottle

"A Republic, if you can keep it" lol. lmao even

I. HAVE. RECEIVED. AN. OFFER!!!!!!

I gotta be honest here, I don't know that I can handle being online for an entire new Trump term. I'm just so, so tired of everything

HꙮLY SHIT THEY ACTUALLY FOLLOWED THROUGH WITH THE "WE NEED MORE EYES" UPDATE

Final round interview with big fancy tech company scheduled 🤞🤞🤞 inshallah I will finally realize my destiny of being an overpaid West coast tech bro

He eepy

"Child, do you want pancakes or french toast for breakfast?" "I want french toast." *points at kitchen* "Go make my french toast."

I fixed my daughter's hair this morning and when I was done she touched her ponytail and smiled and said "I'm so pretty" so I'll be riding that high for the rest of my life

This is either really good or really bad