Noah Fence

#leftist #youtube be like

there are two kinds of people...

it's not so much that I *want* to die, but more so that if I somehow learned that my theory was correct and that all of this was some "Jacob's Ladder" shit as my brain died it would at least make sense

fwiw I was indescribably proud of myself, when I saw headlines about a property belonging to #elonmusk being raided by authorities, that I not only knew that this must be in Europe or something but somehow actually guessed France for some reason 😊

how it's going:

I don't have the heart to ask my coworker to stop trauma-dumping on me about #ICE even though I can *feel* it damaging my psyche because I know that we two are literally the only ones there on that "side" or whatever

a YouTube commenter mistook me for a fellow trump supporter because "42words" *sounds* like the "14words" Nazi dogwhistle, which I can see making logical sense to somebody stupid enough to A) support #trump and B) not get that's not how numbers work

literally every Republican: "yes but you see, as I plan on being 'child rape is okay' -level rich and powerful *myself* one day, it would be pretty hypocritical of me to start being all prudish and judgemental over this whole #epstein thing"

it's crazy to me how a guy who in a movie in a *sane* world would [let's be fair] probably be cast as the "big mean republican" or whatever even *he* is like "wait, seriously? are none of you guys seeing this?"

literally every headline: #Trump signs horrific, absolutely unconscionable thing into law while rich white men with evil grins clap behind him literally every progressive YouTuber: [sweatily] W-WE'VE GOT 'EM ON THE ROPES, FOLKS! MAGA WILL *NEVER* RECOVER FROM THIS, YOU GUYS! SERIOUSLY!

maybe the #rapture *did* happen and it'll turn out that a global grand total of like fifty people *did* vanish that day but they were quiet, humble folks without much of a social media presence and so therefore nobody heard about it

everybody: release the #Epstein files Chump: [releases grand jury transcripts] everybody: no, release the Epstein FILES Chump: [releases 50 year old hit piece on MLK Jr] everybody: ffs, 👏 RELEASE THE 👏 EPSTEIN 👏 𝙁𝙄𝙇𝙀𝙎 Chump: "obama committed treason" [literally runs away, hides until September]

It scans that Trump is catering to white South Africans still mad that apartheid ended. After all, pretty much his entire voter base here in the U.S. is made up of people who are still salty about having lost the Civil War.

it's wild how #maga cultists have dropped all pretence of pretending they think they're the upstanding, morally correct side and now are leaning into the "yes we are objectively, unambiguously evil chaos monsters, but there are MORE of us than you, so 🖕😈🖕"

the official second worst fact in the world is that #drpepper flavored marshmallow #peeps is a thing now and the very *worst* fact in the world is that whoever came up with the idea didn't even think to call them "Dr. Peepers" 🤦

interesting choice #foxnews affiliate "WLUK-FOX 11" made in thumbnail pics 😐

Apologies in advance for the hot take; also, I fully admit bias, as I didn't vote for the guy. But it's been a few months, and I gotta say, I don't think #elonmusk is turning out to be a very good president.

billionaire #oligarchs: [go mask off, quite literally start doing what we've always known they'd do once there were enough poor, dumb people] the dumbest, poorest people ever to exist: ya but *I'm* gonna be a billionaire some day *too,* so it's cool ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

"And now we'll turn to Trump appointee and Bond Villain cosplayer Tulsi 'I ❤️ Putin' Gabbard for her take. Ms. Gabbard, are these leaks that immediately plagued your department on Day One for some strange reason a threat to U.S. int--" "Nyet." #tulsigabbard #nationalsecurity

every day the news be like "today #Trump did another thing that in a sane world would sound like a sick joke but he literally did do it and everybody seems cool with it somehow and now here's Diane with the weather"

I know it's still only three in the afternoon but I'm calling it: Trump's "spiritual advisor" #RobertMorris being indicted for raping kids is officially the worst, most horrific bit of news you'll hear, at least for the rest of the day today 🙃🤞

lol, yeah, haha, get rekt #oligarchs, you just lost an amount of money that would be literally life-changing for (again) 𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 anyone but you, but which will impact your lives in (and I am *so* sorry) 𝙇𝙄𝙏𝙀𝙍𝘼𝙇𝙇𝙔 no tangible way, lma-- ...oh :(

it's really strange to read the #news and have it give you the impression that the world is literally going insane but any time you mention this the advice of every single person you know is to simply try to ignore it

pros: #YouTube comment sections are the only place people will even interact with you cons:

I feel bad for #Germany, learning through their election that their country is juuuuust a little less than fifty percent Nazis but hey, could be worse: here in the States, we recently learned we're juuuuust a little *more* than fifty percent #Nazis

there were holes in the right knees of both my jeans and my longjohns so I turned the longjohns inside out so that the holes in the knees didn't line up anymore which *clearly* proves I'm succeeding at this whole "life" thing 🖕😎🖕

yes, we're the baddies

I mean, for me the sermon was a moment of perfect, unambiguous grace and a brief, trembling flicker of the faith I once had to warm me in the cold, dark times, but people can believe what they want, I suppose #christianity

not gonna lie, I'm proud of myself for never even once letting myself get my hopes up that something as obviously beneficial to the future of humanity as the banning of #TikTok could happen in this broken, insane world run by monsters 🙂👍

me: "I should at least keep abreast of how the inauguration is going. I'll just take a quick peek" [turns on TV] Elon Musk: [frantically "𝘡𝘌𝘐𝘎 𝙃𝙀𝙄𝙇! 𝘡𝘌𝘐𝘎 𝙃𝙀𝙄𝙇!"-ing the crowd] me: "welp, that's about what I expected" [turns TV back off]

some magamaniac was having a meltdown in a #YouTube comment section about "dEi HiReS" and Kamala Harris and so I responded by saying "Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day" and so anyways now I'm banned from commenting on YT for twenty-four hours

(ahem) as a WOKE FAR-LEFT, I sure would HATE it if they didn't ban #TikTok after all I sure would be TRIGGERED if that happened I gotta admit I would feel like a LIBTARD OWNED EPIC-STYLE if that's how things shook out

I long ago gave up thinking that some day I'll grow up and be a successful writer, but it's weird and sad to have this vague, unfocused sense that my minimum wage ass is stepping out of its lane even *reading* #books

i hate looking at my post history and being confronted with the clear, unavoidable fact that my main barrier to viral success online is the whole "dogged insistence on writing what most people seem to regard as entirely too many words" thing

it's fortunate (for them) that literally all Magas care about is "owning libs" because otherwise I bet even *they* would be feeling a little nervous about their guy screeching about invading #Greenland or whatever insane horseshit he's banging on about these days

🎵 HUH-MURR-ICUHH!🎶

happy #theterroristswon day, everybody! #january6

some kid in target suddenly and apropos of fuckall asked me "is baby oil sufficient" and I said "for what" and he said "I-- I don't know" and then a second later shrieked "HAWK TUAH" and scampered off giggling human civilization, amiright?

I have a friend who is still desperately convinced that there were shenanigans with the 2024 #election I (a retail worker) however have no problem visualizing the roiling, seething mass of vicious, rampaging hate-goblins Tr*mp needed to win actually being out there

last night at #target a woman knocked over and subsequently got stuck trying to drive her mobility scooter over an endcap when she noticed me watching, she started babbling that the display had fallen on/ injured her I literally just walked away

not to defend Elon "Please Like Me" Musk, but for what it's worth Cybertrucks *do* very often blow up for, like, *NO* reason ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

#cyberdork: RAAARRGH, THE STREETS WILL RUN RED WITH THE BLOOD OF DEMOCRATS Republicans: who could possibly know what his motivations were cyberdork: I HEART TRUMP AND WANT TO KISS HIM RIGHT ON THE COMBOVER Republicans: it's probably illegal immigrants or something, idk

Not to add to the kerfuffle, but isn't it possible the #cybertruck just got wet? I *swear* I heard they blow up if you get them wet. Heck, I'm pretty sure whoever I heard talking about it described this as a *perk*.

🎉

last night I told a coworker about what I'd thought was a goofy little interaction I'd had with my teenaged niece but instead of finding it funny I watched him become instantly, deeply *depressed* by the story and now I feel bad :(

someone commented "Hey babe dm me I’ve a question for you ❤️" and although I declined, a quick profile-lurk showed she's commented exactly that on 347 other people's posts, too point is I sure hope one of those people finally answers her question 🤞

I was walking home from work through 3’ of fresh snow one night when a kid pulled up, pointed a phone at me and started asking me in a high-pitched cartoon voice about circumcision. tldr, #TikTok cannot POSSIBLY get banned soon enough.