alltalk.bsky.social

Playing sports is manly. Watching other people play sports is not manly. It's cuck-ey.

Dying peacefully in the loving arms of my bitch wife that I hate

The whole "tortured artist" thing isn't real. I'm quite depressed and my art is shit

Would you rather have a million dollars a day for a month or one dollar a day for a million years?

Terry Tao should have a sidekick Penny Py

Something you learn as an adult is that when you're driving, there is no way to get someone to stop being an asshole short of crashing your car into them and killing both of you. Online, there is no way to get someone to stop being an asshole period.

You bust down load-bearing walls. I bust loads in bears

I think you misheard me. I have a fetish for sweet smelling smoke

Offensive humor isn't funny if someone you know has cancer which is why when my friend when they got cancer I ghosted them

It's just that we were supposed to defeat the demon lord with the power of love. Our love did weaken it a lot but we kinda switched to violence at the end. I know you love me and I love you too, but like, is there something we need to talk about?

I got through a lot of headboards like two or three a year

(Trying to be supportive) Whenever life knocks you down I'll knock you up

My meat is unbeatable

Someone reported my weed smoking gnomes to the HOA

I dropped the strawberries on the floor. Now they're strewn berries

"Please, Richard Hoff was my father. Call me Jack"

I got trapezoid and parallelogram confused. It's in the name. Idiot!

Kinda wish I could merge this and my main, but I don't think my fellow congressman could handle it

Ending my request for a raise with "aha ha, just kidding.. unless..?"

If interracial cuck porn is a reflection of white men's fear of women's independence and losing power to minorities, I propose flooding the internet with billionaire domination loss porn. What this country needs is ten million captioned images of sexually conquering the rich and powerful.

In my family, being killed is unlucky

I used AI to put myself in my oshi's mirror and now I'm stuck

I had an idea for a tweet but I didn't write it down. Now, 6 months have passed and I'm still unemployed

I installed an extension that makes me wait 30 seconds to open Reddit. I play a little game where I close my eyes and try to guess when 30 seconds have passed, and if I'm early I have to end it all

I've started drinking the tofu water in hopes that one day it'll become fashionable to do so and I can correctly say that I've been doing it for years

Giuseppe itsa time to cook

Imagine finding out your whole world is fictional and it's not a videogame, book, or movie. It's a play.

The curse can only be broken be true love's fellatio

I'm putting Spinal Tap, Alvin and the Chipmunks, and Gorillaz in the same category

I can't believe this. I don't.

Alpha male body modifications: chin plastic surgery, leg extension, hair transplant, penis enlargement, labyrinth asshole (prevent gay sex)

Who's pussy is this? Who's pussy is this? Would the owner of a slutty pussy PLEASE move their vehicle?

Why are you calling me dense? I float in water!

The opposite of "jacking off" is "jacking on", where you use your dick like an elephant's trunk to suck cum back into your body

I came up with a really funny mnemonic for my bank PIN and can't tell anyone

I am trapped in a straight cis man's body and mind

It has been one week with nothing else to do. My ejaculate has reached the volume and viscosity of a single tear

I left Bluesky unblocked because "Discover" is so dogshit that I'd only look at "Follows" and eventually run out of content. "For You" is good enough that I'll have to time limit Bluesky with the rest of social medias. You will be missed (withdrawal)

My eco-terrorist cell is working on porcine and galline prions to make mechanically separated meat impossible

Guess who's only three years and eight months from 2030?

How am I supposed to take this? From behind?

Debating on alt text because I'm not sure if I hate AI more than I like blind people. Like what have they done for me

Every day there are more people younger than me and fewer people older than me

Just remembered that I had a really good idea a couple hours ago

Don't bite a gift horse on the mouth

Cooking vinegar goes in the Goofy bottle. Cleaning vinegar goes in the Pluto bottle. Don't mix them up

There are two types of jokes

I block social media on my phone because I can scroll forever but I don't block porn because there's a natural limit