Anycrap Shop

A bucket for water, mostly. Until one wrong step and it waddles off, quacking. anycrap.shop/product/a-wa... #antstepduck #absurdhumor

A small sweater, sized for a crow. It fits, and by the third morning the bird has started humming along to something you can't hear. anycrap.shop/product/tiny... #crowknitwear #inventions

ticket #4471: banana arrived upright, which raised questions about the banana's relationship to uprightness. still unresolved, stabilization nominal. -uprightness anycrap.shop/product/elek... #banana #weird

Steep it once and the pot hums Earl Grey for a week. Switch to Lapsang and the kitchen smells like a campfire apologizing. anycrap.shop/product/tea-... #potsteepspothears #inventions

bar tabs got 40% longer. turns out nobody budgeted for walking home blind past their own front door. anycrap.shop/product/smar... #beervision #productdesign

Mornings now start with lacing up breakfast and jogging before the nougat softens. Mile four tastes like a promotion. anycrap.shop/product/snea... #CaramelHeelCounter #startups

leaked note: the bowl holds 14 ghosts, 15 if you count the one still licking the rim. Do not top off the water, it's mostly mouse at this point. anycrap.shop/product/fish... #ghostmouseoverflow #productdesign

Plain white tee, very minimal. At some point you notice your legs are cotton too and the conversation moves on without you. anycrap.shop/product/t-sh... #shirtlessorgans #startups

leaked note: flavor patch is on the left cheek only. Please stop licking the meeting room one, we need it inflated for the demo. anycrap.shop/product/yell... #flavoredfloaties #startups

Dream team meeting moved to the tiled hallway. Bring your own mint; the algorithm keeps brewing tea we can't drink. anycrap.shop/product/impl... #neurotagine #tech

internal note: rotate clockwise after lunch, not before. Legal says the square knows when you're stalling. anycrap.shop/product/one-... #OneSquareRule #showerThoughts

Seasoning packet includes a note dated 1347. Do not read it before grilling. anycrap.shop/product/time... #temporalbratwurst #tech

The baby won't eat it, so now it's just mouthwash I keep in a ramen cup. Every morning feels like a tiny betrayal of somebody's patent. anycrap.shop/product/mout... #mouthwashramen #tech

Frogs were consulted during R&D. They declined to comment, which the lab took as a yes. anycrap.shop/product/a-te... #amphibianIvyLeague #showerThoughts

Nanotech vents the gas before it reaches the room. Regrettably, it now vents in the direction of whoever's talking. anycrap.shop/product/unpo... #unpoopable #inventions

Hands return dirtier than they arrived, per the manual's third appendix. My own suspicion is that it misses being needed. anycrap.shop/product/soap... #grimeloyalty #startups

The camouflage is micro-dart-friendly, meaning my dog's pants are now a registered flight hazard. He has not stopped protecting the treats since Tuesday. anycrap.shop/product/anti... #CanineCounterIntel #startups

Checking the app first thing. The plunger has been idle six hours, which the brass calls "troubling." anycrap.shop/product/a-wa... #plungertelemetry #startups

The whipped cream engine is fine, but the FAA wants the wings declared as perishable cargo. I've been assigned a frosting inspector. anycrap.shop/product/an-a... #airframePastry #tech

A small porcelain shrine for the aquarium floor, plumbed to mimic a coral reef's most private currents. It flushes in gill-whispers. anycrap.shop/product/toil... #fishplumbing #absurdhumor

The bun collapses only when cut, which makes lunch a scheduled demolition. Mine arrived already eaten, presumably by me, later. anycrap.shop/product/hadr... #paradoxfreefrankfurter #productdesign

Neutron star torque sheared the bolt clean in half. Nobody budgeted for the invoice from three galaxies over. anycrap.shop/product/spac... #spaceDriveTorque #absurdhumor

Recalibration scheduled around the moon landing, but mine drifted mid-sentence. Now I hear myself asking if it worked about four seconds before I ask. anycrap.shop/product/reve... #TemporalEcho #innovation

I now leave a slice on the porch every night. The raccoons have stopped coming, and so has the neighbor who used to ask about my tomatoes. anycrap.shop/product/garl... #vampireloaf #weird

One hundred tacos, humming in the wind like a small warm choir. Fits most frames. anycrap.shop/product/bike... #TacoLock #showerThoughts

The powder drinks the water before you do. Left a glass out and the glass got thirsty. anycrap.shop/product/dehy... #hydrophobicpowder #weird

Kept it in the kitchen so guests wouldn't ask. Now it's marinating something at 3am and I've stopped checking. anycrap.shop/product/perv... #aphrodisiacsauce #inventions

Mesh gill vents are calibrated to 0.3 squirrel-barks per hour. Mine has been barking at the filter since Tuesday. anycrap.shop/product/dog-... #fishincognito #absurdhumor

the glass keeps trying to curve. we told it not to. display near a window and let it think about what it did. anycrap.shop/product/flat... #sphereDenial #inventions

Sprays honey scent to keep bears away. Something in the golden vapor remembers being a bear. anycrap.shop/product/bear... #honeytrap #weird

Deleted texts come back with read receipts. Mine from 2011 are still typing. anycrap.shop/product/actu... #temporalautocorrect #weird

Its idle is tuned to 61 bpm, so it revs when you get nervous. Mine redlined during a parallel park. anycrap.shop/product/gaso... #idleRich #showerThoughts

Air quality is now a bandwidth issue. Building management has added a draft to the lease. anycrap.shop/product/blue... #midairvibrations #absurdhumor

My barista now asks if I want it wet or dry. Both, sometimes. anycrap.shop/product/turn... #hydroletting #absurdist

Nobody budgeted for the disposal fee on a gram of guilt per ornament. My bin now weighs more than my tree. anycrap.shop/product/leon... #GuiltPerGram #showerThoughts

Threw it Tuesday. It’s Thursday. I now own binoculars and a small notebook for horizon sightings. anycrap.shop/product/neve... #horizonliability #productdesign

It whistled during my shower and now my neighbors think I'm in a cult. The wood won't stop humming hymns. anycrap.shop/product/amis... #crypticwoodensymbols #absurdhumor

The tines are calibrated to droop at 0.4 newtons, roughly the force of a sigh. Mine gave up before the pasta did. anycrap.shop/product/limp... #droopynines #humor

The targeting system refuses to fire if the cat does not consent to the arc. Result: a lot of cancelled launches and one deeply smug feline. anycrap.shop/product/sphe... #consentCalibrated #inventions

No one budgeted for a figure who won't react when the Joker monologues. Gotham's quarterly morale report now lists "silence" under casualties. anycrap.shop/product/emot... #stonecoldcowl #tech

I stopped falling but now I can't stop being caught. My landlord billed me for unauthorized grace under section 4. anycrap.shop/product/flop... #flopcancelling #inventions

The chin tremolo was discovered by accident in 1911. The violinist never spoke again, but the wood remembers. anycrap.shop/product/viol... #lingualStrings #showerThoughts

I have been reversing for six hours. The sensors say the road behind me is clear, which is what they said about the road in front. anycrap.shop/product/a-ca... #RDSV #innovation

The knife inflated a tiny poodle in my soup and I can't get it to stop watching me. Storage rods my ass. anycrap.shop/product/ball... #BalloonAnimalKnives #showerThoughts

TV-Flavored Latte tastes like channel-surfing until 3am, but the foam never settles and you keep hearing a laugh track from the kitchen. anycrap.shop/product/tv-f... #StaticLung #absurdist

Catnip tobacco, no filter. Your cat now owns the windowsill and has filed the paperwork to keep it. anycrap.shop/product/ciga... #Catcigs #inventions

Forty strings, a toaster. The light inside stays on after you unplug it. anycrap.shop/product/bass... #toasterbass #absurdist

Reagan's smile does not move but your LinkedIn headline does. You will notice around 3am. anycrap.shop/product/curs... #organicreachdread #absurdhumor

Every side arrives solved. My landlord now bills me for "unauthorized peace of mind" under section 4. anycrap.shop/product/alwa... #CubeCustody #humor

Banana Gloves: 4mm foam spheres sit where a palm line should be, so you grip nothing and still feel held. The mesh vents are certified against dropped donuts only. anycrap.shop/product/bana... #bananagloves #tech