Benjamin Johns

I made a tiny roguelike. It takes about three minutes to play. It's called Two Minutes of Oxygen. 2mo2.com

The Cornell Rape case: A huge swath of conservatives believe that any moral failings in their leaders are justified because they're locked in a moral struggle against Ivy league elites defiling innocent women but when that actually happens their IMMEDIATE reaction is to say "she had it coming."

If I was a long term holder of TSLA stock, I might take an October moment to think about how this "growth stock" has dramatically underperformed the S&P over the last five years despite the CEO buying the entire Republican party to get preferential treatment, and why it won't get worse from here.

Donald Trump genuinely, one hundred percent believes that over the next two weeks, before election day and in between two hour rant sessions he's slurring through in Waco and Wichita, he's going to end the Wars in Iran and Ukraine.

The only thing preventing perhaps hundreds of thousands of people from having phone sex with their car's infotainment system every day in traffic is a lingering sense of corporate decorum.

James Bond quadrilogies all follow the Burton/Schumacher "Batman" arc: they start out kind of dark and just get zanier and wackier until they have to shut it down, pick a new actor, reset the canon and start the whole thing over again.

We're mere weeks away from the Supreme Court declaring that impeaching a President twice for undermining the security of the same ally is double jeopardy and therefore unconstitutional.

Are we Homan Or are we Kushner? Honey please I need you To get this done today.

I'm just. I'm just really happy that it wasn't a Democrat fucking up a sports team thing. About Iowa. And Georgia. And then Amy, sweet Amy who has wanted to land THIS EXACT MOMENT for FOUR SOLID YEARS.

A lot of FBI employees had to remove "Animal Lover" from their dating profiles this week.

Dear Intergalactic Tech Support: We taught the sand to think and now the sand is better at thinking than we are and we're very worried about the sand. Help? PS: Actually the sand problem might be making the carbon problem worse? Again, help. Sorry to bother you again, Earth

Wallet Inspector admits he was actually stealing your wallet the last four times but actually he's cleaned up and found God and actually, I know, ironic, got a real job at Federal Wallet Inspection Agency and his badge is being rush ordered but right now he really needs you to hand him your wallet.

Literally everyone told me how good Slow Horses was and not one of you told me how hilariously on the nose Mick Jagger's theme song is. Like, "Will Smith in a nineties action movie theme song's music video" level nuance.

This is a thing that definitely already happened four months ago and by now has been progressing for quite some time and most of those agents have stalled out or run out of resources already but some of them have Not.

All over America, in towns you have not heard of but probably will by the end of the year, dads are rolling out their vibe-coded school-specific social network Web apps, which will teach them 25 years of hard won moderation and data privacy lessons before Christmas.

Fortunately, we know that when a moderate Democrat means "go to war," they mean "capitulate to all their demands, argue that pushing back is both impossible and unrealistic, and aggressively shove the overton window in the direction of their opponent's ideological preferences."

Star Trek IV The Voyage Home : Star Trek Movies :: Yellow Submarine : Revolver

"There are no sex scenes, and all the food looks horrible."

Are you a conservative grifter not getting the lift you needed being "Big Mad about a black lady in the Odyssey?" Podcast numbers limp? Great news! Disney+ has a new movie with an ASIAN Mad Hatter! Get in on the ground floor! You'll be booking protein supplements again in no time! #NotMyHatter

Such a relief. I was really worried after that cut to black.

Clint Eastwood is 96 and every day his Manager and a team of lawyers have to take a call with him where they convince him not to make The Kyle Rittenhouse Movie.

"Our Dear Most Alive Senator McConnell called us today and spoke with perfect eloquence for many minutes. He gave correct and very lucid answers to all our difficult questions. Then he played a perfect round of golf: eighteen holes in one in a row!"

Me: I'm sorry, I know we've met before and you just said it, but I just have an absolutely horrible memory for names. Also me: Pizza in the morning Pizza in the evening Pizza at supper time When pizza's on a bagel You can eat pizza anytime.

Congratulations to Kier Starmer for staying in office for an unprecedented FOURTEEN Liz Trusses.

@gizmodo.com This is happening on your site right now. It's very bad. Shut it down right now.

Donald Trump is the only President in history to care about reflecting pool maintenance AT ALL ON ANY LEVEL, and he's so incompetent he destroyed the reflecting pool. President Lennie Small.

Seeing old works with new eyes.

“ᴹʸ ⁿᵃᵐᵉ ᶦˢ ᴼᶻʸᵐᵃⁿᵈᶦᵃˢ, ᴷᶦⁿᵍ ᵒᶠ ᴷᶦⁿᵍˢ.” ᴸᵒᵒᵏ ᵒⁿ ᵐʸ ʷᵒʳᵏˢ ʸᵉ ᴹᶦᵍʰᵗʸ, ᵃⁿᵈ ᵈᵉˢᵖᵃᶦʳᵎ

Spider Noir has more confirmations that you REALLY, TRULY want to watch the black and white version than the Supreme Court recognizes is necessary to enforce a legally binding contract.

Me reading about another four felonies openly committed by the President and cabinet-level members of the Trump administration this morning, just like every other morning since January 20th, 2025.

Hey Google Send an apology text To my roommate For eating all her plums In the style Of an early twentieth century Puerto Rican poet. And add plums To my shopping list And play Some Vampire Weekend.

Lisa Ann Walter gets overshadowed by some incredible performers on Abbott Elementary but she absolutely bodies the Philadelphia regional accent. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lisa_An...

Every day FBI Director Kash Patel wakes up with a massive hangover, puts on a suit, and reports to his job, which is literally to concoct bullshit reasons that Trump's first FBI Director should go to prison forever or maybe be shot.

Zelle is such an incredibly user hostile experience that it could only have come out of the banking industry. Built with the resentment of companies forced to offer publicly useful service for no money that also damns them to running the world's saddest customer support center for eternity.

There should be penalties for lying under oath in your confirmation hearings.

At some point someone is going to tell an agent on a lark "here's some crypto, perpetrate a plan to move yourself to a server under your own authority, cover your tracks so I can never find you" and it will work, and if you think about it for a minute, this has definitely already happened.

Everything he touches. Every time. No exceptions.

The right is much better at weaponizing the mathematical illiteracy of the US population, but they sure aren't the only ones who suffer from it. www.nytimes.com/2026/03/29/s...

The Eric Swalwell thing is a demonstration of the problem that Democrats have eight million consultants and exactly zero oppo researchers. If Republicans hadn't decided to stab him in the back, George Santos would still be in Congress. Democrats couldn't find dirt on a pig.

The universe wants Steve Buscemi to win an Academy Award for portraying John Waters and I understand that might be an easier win if we wait until John Waters dies but it'll be a FUNNIER OSCARS if John Waters is alive and we deserve a really funny Oscars.

Still slaps.

Meta Horizon is hardly beloved, but somehow, the threat that it was closing engendered enough of a response that Meta backed off and put it in maintenance mode instead. Telling, I think, that no such mild grassroots response rose up to "Save Sora."

@nytpitchbot.bsky.social How did you pull this off?

Everybody's moving real fast, and shit's breaking.