zmr

Reboot: Failed System: Offline

Hey man, you guys wanna see something cool? My (now) wife gave me this watch as a 17th bday present. It traveled the world with me until the hands got blown off by an IED. Ill always remember what time it was....

Everyone is annoying but me.

I like my hot drinks like I like my streets. No ICE.

I bought a bag of lemons for my lemon party, and ended up with a jar of powdered lemon.

Give a man a bag of lemons, and hes going to want to have a lemon party.

The great carrot yoink

Look at this sweet baby

My daughter has a job at a store in the mall. A mall that closes at 7pm on a Friday.

This creature is ridiculous.

Watching a video of people who ruined their career through social media posts and it made me think of Carrie and how she just bombed her whole life in one bad decision, lols.

The quickest way to be left alone is to tell the people around me Im going to watch a documentary about TITANICs reciprocating steam engines.

This is what bottle service at 40 looks like.

Fuck VMWare. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

I have a work tripnto Miami coming up next week. This is going to be a good time.

My OB nurse wife asked if I could make her some cute uterus keychains, and I was happy to oblige.

USA vs Venezuela for the World Baseball Classic is an interesting development considering we kidnapped their president in a midnight raid and stole their oil and gold reserves for a greedy pedophile to sit on like Scrooge McDuck like 3 months ago.

My wife got me to watch Supernatural, and we're almost done with Season 13, which is roughly 8 more seasons than any show Ive ever watched. This has gone on for far too long, but Im also far too invested to not finish. That being said, let's discuss.

I should have some sort of national pride this morning, but I just cant muster it.

@katmandu.bsky.social did trying a different slicer help with your whistle print?

Crush from my youth

Well damn. I just caught the last 20 minutes of TITANIC, which means I have to rewind 75 minutes and start from there.

I was out last night and saw a woman wearing a shirt that said "John Roberts is a dumbass freak" which is funny because I was out with some public defenders.

Brendan Fraser is making his comeback and Im absolutely here for it.

Is a fun sized Butterfinger bite sized? Discuss.

Not to brag but I replaced the battery in my wifes car, and today's high is 5. Degrees.

🤷‍♂️

Thinking outside the bawks

When you and your wife have bunk beds, theres both less AND more room for activities.

No context needed

Oh, I found my little bastard cat. He came back the same night but hid in the basement for 2 days so I was really starting to wonder if he did come back or if I was going crazy.

One thing I can say about MAGA, is they never fail to impress me with finding ways to make themselves even bigger dickless pathetic losers.

A bmw marks its territory

Our littlest kitty is missing and Im sick with sad and worry.

So, my kids got me the coolest Christmas present ever.

Making my way through Supernatural and GODDAMN they did Kevin Tran dirty.

Is it just me, or did old handsets make for a more enriching phone call? Its probably the analog.

Just passed my 3rd payday without getting a paycheck due to the shutdown. Im starting to get a bit nervous.