damn i wish i was your lawyer

If only there were some kind of a "turn signal" on cars by which a driver could let other people know what they were going to do and not just appear to be stopping out of the blue for no reason in the middle of a road.

I think I just saw a Shrek ad for Instacart but it was so disjointed it might have just been a bit of some Shrek movie > an Instacart ad > more Shrek movie > more Instacart ad.

Tickets went on sale today for the upcoming stacked production of Small Mouth Sounds on Broadway and I would really like to see it but I do not $599-a-ticket-for-almost-every-seat-in-the-orchestra want to see it. #yikes

Sexy Goth Clown is a new (to me) Ren Faire addition.

Huzzah!

Oh hey - shoutout to @lebby.bsky.social who I got to meet IRL last night after the Scofield show and who turned out to be either a delightful person to talk to or someone capable of imitating such a person for about 30 minutes. Nice meeting ya man!

A lot of y'all* seem really interested in making life harder for other people and what if I told you it was both better and more personally rewarding to try and make life easier for folks? *Not *y'all*, y'all. Just the general y'all.

Holiday rankings: 1) Thanksgiving: Food n football 2) Halloween: Kids n Candy 3) NYE: Party 4) 4th of July: Explosive party 5) Memorial/Presidents/Veterans/Labor/Juneteenth/MLK - Nice Days Off 6) Columbus Day: Better as Indigenous People, but we all know. 7) Christmas: Obligations in cold weather

An actual message I received from Ticketmaster about the block on transfers on my account: "Please understand that these restrictions are applied and maintained by Ticketmaster, and we do not have the ability to modify or remove them.” Are... they... not aware... that... they *are* Ticketmaster?

Great ending to tonight's Survivor. An entire tribe of weak-ass people collapsed under light pressure from two (really three) chaos agents. For a man w/o a tribe, Lewis is crafting some epic moments, and even annoying Kilby showed he's got grit and came to play. Loved it. #survivor51

The Wizards are... fun? And that's even without AJ? Oh boy.

Doing something that no one has done in years: Watching a Washington Wizards game on purpose.

Ha ha, former coworker, your cute little 🤪 emoji in your email does not make me think you are now a fun-lovin', crazy, carefree guy but just reads as good old macro-micro-managing, overstressed You macro-micro-managing your emails to try to appear fun-lovin', crazy, and carefree.

It's incredible how many people think that someone being incredibly wealthy means they are better able to understand and solve average people's problems when it almost always means they have way less of a clue about anything that anyone without a spare billion dollars really has to deal with.

It only took the University of Maryland about 3 years more than every other person in the world to realize that they needed to move on from Locksley as their football coach. Still astounding that they brought him back for this year when they could have tried to go after Franklin after last year.

No country has more streamlined its economy for convenience than America, and while it's great to be able to purchase, watch, or listen to damn near anything on demand or have it immediately, it does not surprise me at all that so many of us are now spoiled brats about the most minor inconveniences.

Just saw that Ann Hornaday passed away. Anne was the long-time film critic for the Washington Post before it became a tainted subdivision of Jeff Bezos's Whole Ass Inc. Anne had such a warm way of writing about movies - you felt like you knew her. Seeing that she's passed away at 66 is damn sad.

My favorite votes on Traitors are the ones where they're like, "We honestly don't think you're a traitor, but you're so damn annoying we just want to banish you anyway."

Public means of communication and access to defense satellites should not depend on the whims of billionaires. There's a reason our military's not privatized and utilities are regulated. If there's ever a progressive government again, they should regulate access to or straight up seize these assets.

There are three people at the gym working out in jeans. ?!?!

I've never seen a city work on every single one of its streets at the same time before, but by God, DC has somehow pulled it off.

I'm sure she can still call herself a press secretary even though she didn't pass this bar.

Uh I ordered a shirt so I sure fucking hope not.

Merriweather Post Pavillion just put tickets on sale for three shows for next July and it is very ambitious of them to expect me to have any idea what I will be doing then.

Aside from noting the obvious bullshittery, I will simply say that flying cars are a dumb idea because it's already hard enough avoiding automotive death without also needing to be worried about idiots dropping cars on my head. Y'all can't even use turn signals and you're going to add altitude?

It's nice to see that "possesses the ability to string even two words together in a coherent fashion" is no longer a requirement to be White House Press Secretary.

Watching a woman stand in the middle of a turn lane staring at her phone while cars are swerving and driving around her. I'm more and more convinced that cell phones have irreparably damaged our brains.

Hey Mini Cooper apparently desperately trying to outrun the fire truck bearing down on you with its siren on: You're supposed to pull over.

Sugar. (Duh.)

Filing a class action lawsuit seeking a return of time wasted and brainpower lost on behalf of everyone who watched that Commanders-Giants game.

Dan Quinn seems like a pretty solid guy for a soon to be ex-football coach.