Bernard Leclair

She must have given Trump a BJ

Russia’s intense and systematic bombardment of Ukraine’s energy infrastructure is intended to inflict harm and suffering on civilians and amounts to a crime against humanity, United Nations investigators said on Monday. www.nytimes.com/2026/10/26/w...

When the oracle predicted they'd be huge, she didn't specify it would be because of elastic demand.

I told my wife it doesn't matter if her cup is half empty or half full... The point is that she needs to buy a new bra.

Meanwhile in Russia: head of RT Margarita Simonyan compared Ukraine to Chechnya and predicted that after Zelensky, there would never be another Ukrainian president. This and more in my latest article, linked below ⤵️ www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoFF...

youtube.com/watch?v=V261...

My wife crashed the car while listening to Adele last night. She ended up rolling in the Jeep.

Any salad can be a Caesar salad if you stab it enough...

I asked my wife why she married me. She said, 'Because you're really funny.' I said, 'I thought it was because I'm good in bed.' She said, 'See? You're hilarious.'

Like many others I assumed this was funny hyperbole -- "call in the national guard!" type of thing -- but no it's a description of events.

How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you later.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat...

Have you ever tried blindfolded archery? You don't know what you're missing.

I have this weird talent where I can identify what's inside a wrapped present. It's a gift.

Don’t think they’re not doing the same here! 🤬

@jacobsoboroff.bsky.social Can you and your team contact the parents of the 18 schoolchildren this Somali man saved and either do interviews or organize a press conference? We can’t trust local media to highlight this and we need to counteract MAGA’s disgusting narrative bsky.app/profile/thet...

Interviewer: Your resume says you take things too literally. Me: When the hell did my resume learn to talk?

The Republican Party is giving us cancer. The New York Times doesn't say it that directly, but its investigation proves it.

My girlfriend left a note on my fridge this morning saying this isn't working, bye. I opened it up, and it was working fine, so I'll just wait till she's home to ask her what she meant.

I saw a sports car being driven by a scantily clad sheep... It was a lamb bikini.

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws!

In 55 A.D., a doctor operated on the emperor of Rome. He was the world's first Nerosurgeon.

I saw my ex-wife across the museum hall, but I felt too self-conscious to say hello. There was just too much history between us.

My wife just stopped and said, 'You weren't even listening, were you?' I thought, 'That's a pretty weird way to start a conversation.'

On the instructions of my ready meal it says rest for 5 minutes once cooked. But I'm not at all tired.

Knock knock. Who's there? Dejav. Dejav who? Knock knock.

Oh look @minibubbly.bsky.social ! It’s the moldy pumpkin! 😂🤣😂🤣

Golfer: 'I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.' Caddy: 'Try heaven; you've already moved most of the earth.'

A wife points out the one that got away. Her husband reads the dance floor differently.

Me: What's the Wi-Fi password? Barman: You need to buy a drink first. Me: Okay, I'll have a Coke. Barman: Is Pepsi okay? Me: Sure, how much is that? Barman: $3. Me: There you go. So what's the Wi-Fi password? Barman: You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase!

Meanwhile in Russia: state TV experts asserted that America was defeated by the Russian Federation and will likewise lose to Iran. www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5UR...

Meanwhile in Russia: State Duma member Alexey Zhuravlyov explained why Moscow is so pleased with the outcome of negotiations. www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkz...

Good bakers use real butter so that there is no margarine for error.

We have to be ready for Trump's sabotage before & after the election. Not just lies about fraud & efforts to seize ballots, but also Russian interference, possibly including "instigating civil unrest..that result in potentially violent action," Frank Figliuzzi says. open.substack.com/pub/america/...

Now THIS is scary!

What is a pumpkin's circumference divided by a pumpkin's diameter? Pumpkin Pi...

If this country doesn’t VOTE in numbers TOO BIG TO RIG, it deserves Trump… Just saying. Now, go VOTE!! 😎🇺🇸✨

Occasionally I wake up grumpy. But most of the time I just tip-toe out of the bedroom and leave her.

Jesus was a Carpenter, but he never actually sang on any of their albums...