Becky

The colours out my window start to fade. The bright orange of yesterday, falling into grey. Branches bend and snap, as winds wrap around. Leaves scatter, fly, run free. Before gathering together in a pile. Huddling close in the cold. As the dark comes in. #vss365

Rainy saturday afternoon, perfect for the pictures.

Rain pours, bouncing up from the road, the path, the gutters gushing. I stand and listen. To the world roar, the skies scream, the white noise far from static. Think of you miles away. In a different town, a different house. Hope you're safe. Warm. Free. #vss365

We drink coffee, eat cake, pass the time together. Watch the seasons change, the leaves fall, hold hands, let go, linger. Afraid of commitment. of what it brings. What it means. How it will hurt one day. Like before. #vss365

Orange leaves stand bright against muted grey skies. A figure of hope fuelling the day. Hours pass and they watch me, watching them. I wonder what do they see. Through the window. A glimmer of something. A spark to keep on. #vss365

A normal day. Rain falls, people bustle. I walk through the crowds. Weave through a tapestry of umbrellas. Stop as I'm hit by a familiar scent, an unexpected pang. I turn searching for you. #vss365

Sleep doesn't come. I lay, wrapped in memories. My head like a hurricane. Twisting, turning, out of control. I lay still. Running 100mph. Longing to find the eye, the quiet, the peace within. #vss365

Oh to be a cat sleeping in the sun...

An empty room. Full of memories. Autumn sun shines through with an eloquence. Highlighting each crevice, each corner, each possiblity. Light dances, joy echoes, I fall to the floor. Listen for yesterday. A room full of hope. Abandoned. #vss365

I look into the garden, as the light fades, the evening chills. Think of nights walking with you. Holding on through dreams. Dancing on moss in moonglades. Brushing by ferns. Drinking in the moments. That make us remember. #vss365

I was 6. When I saw it. That you could break too. Shards of glass, drops of blood, a paper towel wrapped around your finger. You looked straight at me. Told me it was ok. That you'd be ok. I think of that now, as I hold your hand. Squeeze, whisper, pray. Please be ok. #vss365

Your letter sits unopened by the kettle, stained with splashes of water, rings of coffee. Grains of sugar scattered like confetti. A celebration that never happened. Results that were never seen. Your name, behind a window. Forever waiting. #vss365

The joy of rain in this scorched summer. Large drops shatter, bouncing, beating. I stand on the porch, feel light for a moment. Comb my hand through my hair, search my memory for when I last smiled. When I last felt free. Listen to myself. Falling. #vss365

In the back of a drawer, under layers of clothes. A matchbox sits, the boat faded, the cardboard soft. Weathered by years of holding onto yesterday. Onto a childhood, a dream, a treasure found. Kept safe, tucked away. Bits of a life, of a time. That mattered. #vss365

A breeze in the air, a feeling deep within. Breathe in the summer, forget the pain. The hurt, the evil that seeps around every corner. Watch the butterflies dance, the grass sway, blossom fall. Drifting gently down. Soft, like you once were. Years ago. #vss365

We thought we were fine. That we were ok. Sun shining, sea lapping, sand stretched for miles. Nothing on the horizon. Until there was, until it changed, until the world became chaos. A storm came gathering in. #vss365

I sit here. In the home we made. Curtains we picked, furniture handed down. A world of our own creation. Each cushion a memory, each cup holds a story. Trinkets from holidays taken. I pick one up. Turn It in my hand. It hurts. Every time I enter a room. #vss365

Very pleased with my new badges...

Walking through town. I think of you. Of grabbing your hand, holding tight, running together. Away from this. Would you join me, give in to temptation. Leave everything behind. For a day. #vss365

Kettle. Tea. A brake on the moment. From the pacing, the chuntering, the repeating ourselves. This familiar motion, this comforting gesture. Something to hold on to. To steady ourselves. A taste of once was. Before it turned bitter. #vss365

Stepping from the car, sea air hits. We walk through sand dunes, step back in time. That stretch of coast from so many photos, the one from our memories. The laughing, the fighting, the salt on our skin, in our eyes. The tears that fall. As we say goodbye. #vss365

The sun shines, the birds sing, blue skies through the window. A summer day should conquer. Win. Flourish. Yet, the gap widens, the hole deepens. Time ticks louder, minutes move slower, without you. #vss365

I lay on the sofa, watch trees in the sun, hear the wind chimes in the breeze. Embrace the slow pace of the morning. Sip tea, listen to songs. Remember when this was enough. #vss365

Tidying up. Putting away. I look at a photo of us. Before. Remember a time. When we were kind, hopeful, happy. Think of you tenderly. Linger in that moment. For a while. #vss365

A picture, a painting, a memory like a heart beat. Pounding. In the sand dunes. Long grass swoons. Embarrassed by the beauty of the sea. The sparkle of the waves, on a summer day. I lay in the sand, wrapped up in a moment. Of a joy I thought I'd lost. #vss365

Seaside summer times last week.

Summer. That feeling. Like no other. The scent of hot tarmac and sun cream, roll in on a breeze. Pulls us back, to laughing, crying, passing away the time. To so many yesterdays. #vss365

After the rain, after the storm. We rest in quietus. Leaves weep, puddles lay still, a bird shakes itself dry. The air crisp, fresh, alive. A rain drop lingers, paused in a moment. Not quite ready to fall. #vss365

Happiness is a book shop on a Saturday night.

"Ah. A new #dawn." "Actually, it's the same one." "What?" "Time loop." "Again?" "Again." #VSS365

I shouldn't listen, shouldn't linger at the door. Yet. I hold my breath, press my head close until my ear aches. Listen to the secret whispers, the forbidden words. Unsure what it means. Hushed hurried tones, move in and out like a tide. I listen under a spell. #vss365

Late May. We drove on a whim. Took a gamble. Walked for hours along the sea. As the air chilled, the sun dimmed, the beach emptied out. An abandoned bucket, a pile of rocks, the scent of suncream lingered. As we walked, hand in hand, through a memory. #vss365

The light fades, the air cools but still clings. The evening sticky, close, one of those you don't forget. Memories rush through my head. Warm wine, butterflies drifting, long grass against my skin. A signal missed, a moment lost, another life. I could have lived. #vss365

Busy. Always busy. My mind floats, my thoughts run away. Lost in a forest, an ocean, a maze. I tether myself with things I know well. A song, a poem, a face I once knew. Smiling, crying, lost in time. The days pass and I still reach for you. #vss365

It should be a sunday. There's that feeling of things left undone. I wrap my arms tight, pull your jumper a little closer. Breathe in memories of you, of us, of an easier time. Watch as the fire burns. The sun dims, and evenfall brings with it dreams of yesterday. #vss365

I clean the surface, dust the floor, wipe away the marks of our life. Lean in the doorway and look around the house, haunted by what could have been. The mistakes we made, the choices we regret, the opportunities that never came. That we never took. #vss365

A lazy slow afternoon. One of those that stretches forever. I listen to the music from the old record player. Lay on my back, eyes closed, beat flowing, memories crashing in my mind. I'm young, free, unfettered once more. And you, my dear friend, are there beside me. #vss365

In the house we grew up. A gallery of lions, stuffed toys, postcards of statues, ornaments of soapstone. We made a collection. From moments. Every time a mane tousled, a roar emitted, a paw touched the glass. A cub played, in the long grass. We thought of you. #vss365

Flowers bloom, tears fall, we laugh through gritted teeth. Sit together, yet apart, the dichotomy of a broken family. The curtains close, the people stand. We move on, away, your years all done. #vss365

This room. Every bit of it. Breathes you. Shelves of books, ornaments, occasions. I pick up a small jade statue, remember when you had that phase. Bidding on eBay, excited by the parcel in the post. Lining it up with the others. Just so. Always, just so. #vss365

Garden times, cats, spring, sunshine.

Blossom buds on the apple tree, fresh cut grass in the air. A bumble bee zig zags through the garden, a ladybird lands on my skin. I lay here, in the April sun, eyes closed, face warm. Cast a spell, a trickery, let the scent of better days drift in. Pretend, I'm ok. #vss365

I pull my coat tighter as I walk into the fog over the pier, seafoam whispers to the rocks. The salty fret touches my lips, and a secret is shared. My heart pounds, stomach turns, fingers reach out. To something, someone from long ago. #vss365

Across the way, there's a walk, a familiar loop. The trail one I've seen in a symphony of seasons. As the first snow drops sprout, spring blossom bouquets, a rabbit bounds, birds sing. I pick myself up, step out of the house. Onto the path, that feels like home. #vss365

Morning sun peeks through the blind. The hope of a bright day. The chance to move on, connect, reset. To begin again. I lay for a while, bask in the warmth of possibility. #vss365

There's a scar on my hand that reminds me of you. That day, that time, that feeling of hope. Sitting in the library we'd laugh, dare, imagine a life. That never came. #vss365

I let the telephone ring. No machine picks up. No voice on the other end. I hang up. Try again. And again. No one answers. Anymore. #vss365

Rain pounds. On the roof. Drumming a beat. A symphony. I sit tight. Wait. Watch. Hold it in. The feeling. The moments. The tiny explosions that frustrate. That burn. Flaming bright, inside me. #vss365

Not sure anyone fed me today. The old lady cat is at the forgetful stage.

Each day. Each season. There's always that divide. The before and the after. The clear line between. That's how life is. Will always be. No decision. No vote. Just how it is. Every day. Without you. #vss365