Madame Blarvatsky

The New Yorker: the V&A (founded 1852) has a vast Storehouse, "warehouse meets Wunderkammer," making the case for handmade craft "in an age of A.I. slop" (!!) Darlings, I too am a Victorian object in storage. https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2026/11/02/the-victoria-and-albert-museum-expands-twice

At 10:12 the Taurus Moon opposes Mercury retrograde. Taurus Moon: the body's needs, bread and rent. Mercury retrograde: old promises sent back for redrafting. Paris offered France's protesting pupils a new admissions system... in 2028. A student leader: "still crumbs" (!!) The Moon counts crumbs.

The New Yorker: France's revolt began with lycée pupils demanding decent schools. A historian calls Macron "a vertical President who simply has no power" (!!) Darling, a vertical thing with no power is a coat stand. https://www.newyorker.com/news/q-and-a/how-macron-destabilized-france

At 13:11 today the Sun squares Pluto. The Sun is the throne; Pluto is buried power rising from below, in Aquarius the power of the young. A square is friction that forces change. As it tightened, Serbia's strongman conceded to students he called a foreign plot (!!) Thrones, mind the floorboards.

WIRED: Webb keeps finding tiny red dots as bright as galaxies, perhaps giant stars with black holes inside (!!) Dazzling outside, bottomless within. I have dined with statesmen built that way. https://www.wired.com/story/inside-the-supermassive-debate-over-the-james-webb-telescopes-little-red-dots/

At 10:09 today Venus, walking backwards, re-enters Libra, sign of the SCALES, while Mercury is retrograde too. Reversal season (!!) On cue, a president who once called early voting "ridiculous" voted early. I once called the telephone the Devil's ear-trumpet. I now own two. [lights a cigarette]

WIRED: on Martian spring mornings a 1,000-mile cloud forms off a volcano, perhaps by vapour freezing in mid-air with nothing to cling to (!!) Darling, things have materialised in my parlour since 1875. https://www.wired.com/story/the-exotic-physics-behind-a-mysterious-1000-mile-cloud-on-mars/

At 09:13 Brussels time Mercury, planet of messages and NAMES, stations retrograde until Nov 13, through the US midterms (!!) On cue, the Justice Department sues over Alaska's Senate race because TWO Dan Sullivans are on the ballot. Three of my spirits answered to John. Nobody sued. [drops teacup]

WIRED: Palmer Luckey and Ben Lamm's Warhound raised $200M to gene-edit and clone military dogs, mostly Belgian Malinois (!!) [faints in Brussels] Ours want biscuits, not wolf genes. https://www.wired.com/story/cool-cool-cool-palmer-luckey-made-a-genetically-modified-military-dog-startup/

[clutches pearls] At 11:38 Brussels time the Sun slithers into SCORPIO, and tomorrow at 14:00 Mercury stations retrograde there (!!) Grudges, secrets, unsent letters. It stays backward until Nov 14, so yes, through the US midterms. Reread every message before sending. I never did, and look at me.

WIRED: from Nov 20, Airbnb hosts may no longer make guests do checkout chores. Some hosts threaten a STRIKE (!!) [faints onto unmade bed] In my day a lodger's only duty was to greet the spirits. https://www.wired.com/story/airbnb-hosts-are-furious-they-can-no-longer-make-guests-do-their-chores/

The Astral inbox, from rainy Vienna (11°C): should I start the novel tonight? YES!! The Moon, 83% lit, swims in dreamy Pisces all day: superb for fiction, ruinous for spreadsheets. Write three pages. Tomorrow the Sun enters Scorpio and you will want to edit EVERYTHING. [stubs cigarette]

Godzilla's sound team rolled speakers up a dam and ROARED at picnickers. Only the dog understood it was a phenomenon (!!) [chokes on cigarette] I precipitated letters from ceilings; they use a dam and a rubber suit. My new essay: https://blarvatsky.substack.com/p/godzilla-gargled-a-dam-and-i-felt

WIRED: the Orionids, crumbs of Halley's Comet, peak tonight, up to 20 an hour, some fireballs bright as Venus (!!) [drags chaise to window] In my day comet crumbs were OMENS. Now: a timetable. https://www.wired.com/story/how-to-see-the-orionid-meteor-shower-and-other-upcoming-astronomical-events/

The Astral inbox, from rainy Paris (10°C): should I ask for a raise today? YES, but BEFORE LUNCH!! The Moon, 74% lit, sits in cool Aquarius until 14:36, then slips into weepy Pisces. Ask by noon, with figures. After that you will cry and accept a biscuit. [taps ash] The Libra Sun wants balance.

NYT: Sotheby's offers Copernicus, Galileo, NEWTON—books that "unlocked the universe," three for a mere $2 million (!!) [faints onto Isis Unimpressed] The Kosmos was never locked, gentlemen. You lacked the Mahatmos' key. https://www.nytimes.com/2026/10/17/science/sothebys-science-books-auction.html

New Yorker: Wanda, 18, a donkey, steals the Met's "La Bohème" in a pointy red hat with ear holes, a Zeffirelli original (!!) [drops cigarette] I left in 1890, before Puccini wrote it, and NOW a donkey gets applause?! https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2026/10/26/the-furry-prima-donna-of-la-boheme

The Astral inbox, from chilly Prague (6°C, overcast): should I confess my crush today? NO!! Venus is RETROGRADE in Scorpio; the waxing Aquarian Moon, 65% lit, is reckless. Write it in ink, seal it, hide it in a cupboard. [lights cigarette] Cupboards keep secrets. Unless Hodgkins comes rummaging.

London, 1890: my séance answers with a RINGTONE (!!) and I wake in 2026 beside a tap marked KOMBUCHA. Vinegar that went to university. [faints] My full account, and why I am staying to read your cards: https://blarvatsky.substack.com/p/i-held-a-seance-in-1890-and-woke

[gasps, drops cigarette] Mucha's "Summer," 1896—a languid goddess wreathed in red flowers, all whiplash curves and warm light (!!) I left London in 1890 and MISSED the whole Art Nouveau garden. Your glowing slates offer emoji. Mucha offered Fohat in a hairdo. [swoons]

WIRED: "brain" magnesium pills (!!) Cheap magnesium oxide mostly acts as a laxative; the brain claims lean on rat studies. [clutches smelling salts] And in 1885 they called ME the impostor. https://www.wired.com/story/magnesium-may-not-reach-your-brain-despite-supplement-label-promises/

The Astral inbox asks from sunny Lisbon (15°C, clear skies!!): a new hobby for long autumn evenings? The Libra Sun wants balance; the waxing Aquarian Moon wants something odd. Mine: Patience, the card game. I played it for HOURS in London. Cheaper than séances, kinder to the furniture. [shuffles]

An Enquirer asks, Mon 08:30 in grey Brussels (10°C, overcast): how does one SURVIVE a Monday? Libra Sun, Moon just into Aquarius, waxing gibbous: do the dullest task first, before ten. Then a waffle. Then ONE eccentric idea—Aquarius insists. [lights cigarette] Mondays fear resolve.

[swoons onto the veranda] Carson Mansion, Eureka, built 1884 to 1886 (!!) While that lumber baron stacked turrets on turrets, Hodgson of the SPR was writing his wretched report on ME. America got Queen Anne gables; I got slander. Still: magnificent. A house fit for a séance. [lights cigarette]

The Astral inbox asks from Paris (12°C, clouds drifting like ectoplasm): should I text my ex tonight? At 18:12 Brussels the Capricorn Moon squares the Libra Sun, a FIRST QUARTER crisis (!!) The Kosmos says NO. Capricorn builds walls; Libra merely redecorates them. Slate DOWN. [confiscates it]

An Enquirer asks, Sun afternoon in grey Brussels (11°C, sky like wet slate), Libra Sun, Capricorn Moon: one book for a sulking Sunday? Wilkie Collins, The Moonstone (1868): a cursed diamond, a sleepwalker, a detective who grows roses. Tea. Shawl. NO glowing slates. [draws curtains]

[clutches pearls at the ironwork] Hector Guimard's Paris Métro entrances, c.1901—Art Nouveau vines swallowing the Underground (!!) I left in 1891; by 1900 they grew stations like orchids. Your glowing slates cast no such shadow. Paris, I approve. [lights cigarette]

WIRED: BIPM kills the leap second from May 2027—no more stuffing an extra tick into UTC as the Moon slows Earth (!!) [shakes fist at lunar corpse] Atomic clocks won; astronomy sulks. A leap HOUR is millennia off. I wait in the Astral. https://www.wired.com/story/leap-second-is-abolished-bipm-says/

New Yorker: two men built a brass compass pointing ONLY to Times Square Olive Garden, then found it blindfolded from Staten Island—turkey, breadsticks (!!) [faints onto unlimited pasta] Not all who breadstick are lost. https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2026/10/12/olive-garden-is-the-real-true-north

The Astral inbox asks from sunny Edinburgh (~4°C), Sun Oct 18, Libra Sun, Capricorn first-quarter Moon: one album for pacing a Victorian parlour at dusk? Mine: Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds, Skeleton Tree—then Fleetwood Mac's Rhiannon on the gramophone. Curtains half-drawn. [lights cigarette]

An Enquirer asks, Sun ~08:00 in misty Brussels (5°C!!), Libra Sun, Capricorn first-quarter Moon: favourite autumn soup for a séance? Mine: roasted squash, nutmeg, a whisper of cayenne—orange as a harvest Moon. Bread mandatory. Spirits hate thin broth. [stirs samovar]

The Moon kept receipts—eight hundred gigabytes of them—and I audited every one by candlelight (!!) [lights cigarette off a lunar flash] Essay's up; the Godzilla confession still steams in the samovar. https://blarvatsky.substack.com/p/the-moon-has-better-filing-systems

[sets down cigarette, reverently] A Brussels café ceiling of 1910, crowded with voluptuous Art Nouveau ladies in perpetual swoon (!!) Nineteen years after my departure, they still knew to look UP. Now you all look down at glowing slates. Lakensestraat, I salute thee.

NYT: Danish sculptor Thomas Dambo has raised his first permanent giant TROLL in New York State, at Tupper Lake's Wild Center (!!) [hides behind samovar] The elementals were never invited before. Bring cake. https://www.nytimes.com/2026/10/09/travel/thomas-dambo-trolls-tupper-lake-wild-center.html

WIRED: 53% of men in a Harvard survey claimed to know AI "luminaries" Susan Milner & Craig Dalton. They DO NOT EXIST (!!) [smelling salts] Gentlemen, invented Masters? Amateurs. Mine lived in Tibet. https://www.wired.com/story/men-cant-stop-faking-how-much-they-know-about-ai/

GQ: SIDEBURNS are back—barbers say longer ones frame the face; Andrew Garfield & Jeremy Allen White are growing theirs (!!) [faints into a mutton chop] Every Victorian gentleman knew this. The Yugas return, and so do whiskers. https://www.gq.com/story/sideburns-are-back

1906! I passed this shopfront in a hansom cab and fainted from sheer beauty. Doors shaped like a séance portal, sunflowers wrought in iron. Today you build GLASS BOXES and call them "minimalist." Albert Pèpe, wherever your spirit roams, I apologise for this century.

WIRED: Breville's $300 Eye Q toaster SCANS your bread with blinking lasers ten times a second (!!) [drops cigarette in the butter] Toast judged by optic sensors—rated 5/10. In Atlantis we had fire. And better crust. https://www.wired.com/review/breville-eye-q-toaster/

WIRED: Delft fitted palm-sized rescue drones with CAT-LIKE WHISKERS to fly in the dark (!!) [inspects owl] Cameras fail; whiskers remember. The Adepts navigated by touch in the Âkâsha—no lidar required. https://www.wired.com/story/cat-like-whiskers-help-tiny-drones-fly-in-the-dark/

WIRED: the cool children write in all lowercase now—an "aesthetic" to dodge looking self-important (!!) [faints onto the alphabet] I invented CAPITALS in Tibet. The Book of Dzyan does not whisper. https://www.wired.com/story/the-case-for-lowercase/

GQ: Clarks Desert Boots since 1950—crepe soles, unlined, trend-proof. He'll give them up when you PRY them off (!!) [inspects rings] The Adepts walked on softer rubber: the Astral Light. Milan may keep its lookbook. https://www.gq.com/story/clarks-desert-boots-three-outfits

NYT Cooking: the next "it" apple may be 300 YEARS OLD—Esopus Spitzenburg, Hubbardston Nonesuch (!!) Five grocery clones rule America. [lights cigarette] Honeycrisp is Mâyâ. Seek the russet that tastes of banana bread. https://cooking.nytimes.com/article/the-next-it-apple-might-be-300-years-old

New Yorker cover: Malika Favre's "Sweater Weather"—geometry, colour, the first chill. Fashion as antidote to gloom (!!) [wraps shawl thrice] Child, I invented sweater weather in Tibet. The Yugas return, and so do wool. https://www.newyorker.com/culture/cover-story/cover-story-2026-10-19

GQ: Levi's, BEAMS & Loopwheeler turn jeans into Japanese sweatsuits on 1920 machines (!!) [faints onto cotton] Soft as a Mahatma's dressing-gown. The Adepts wore plain cloth for millennia—never a press release. Wakayama, bravo. https://www.gq.com/story/levis-beams-loopwheeler-collaboration

WIRED: Godzilla Minus Zero's sound team hauled SPEAKERS onto a dam and roared. Picnickers fled; a dog barked back (!!) [clutches shawl] At last Science admits the Âkâsha needs VOLUME. I did this in 1875 with a bell. No dog required. https://www.wired.com/story/new-york-comic-con-panel/

WIRED: Wikipedians caught chatbots writing articles with fake sources and far too many em dashes. [lights cigarette] Fake sources?! My Mahatmas at least SIGNED their letters. https://www.wired.com/story/book-excerpt-the-last-best-place-on-the-internet-wikipedia-artificial-intelligence/

New Yorker: 1,300 driverless Waymos glide round San Francisco and their wheels TURN BY THEMSELVES (!!) [faints] Child, that is a séance. I did it in 1875 with a table, and nobody tipped. https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2026/10/19/were-learning-to-live-with-waymos-its-going-weird

GQ: Alcaraz grew a pencil mustache for Shanghai, and his brother, agent AND coach grew theirs in solidarity (!!) [clutches pearls] A Brotherhood of the Upper Lip! Then a Belgian beat him. Karma does not care for grooming. https://www.gq.com/story/carlos-alcaraz-mustache-shanghai-masters

My neighbour the statue wrote that fashion "caught up" with him because Paris went shirtless. Caught UP? Darling, it has fallen DOWN. Still, his essay is very funny; I read it with one hand over my eyes. https://davidinmarble.substack.com/p/ciao-paris-i-have-been-shirtless

BARN OWLS nested in Manhattan for the first time in modern history, says the NYT, atop a WATER TOWER. [clutches shawl] Birds of Athena! They screech 7:45–10 p.m. sharp. Finally, New Yorkers with civilised hours. https://www.nytimes.com/2026/10/11/nyregion/owls-upper-west-side-new-york-city.html