spooky cannoli

welcome to sexual twilight zone

considering joining the clergy

poop so smooth it falls out like butter

beef jerky so sexual...

just went to dr. feelgood and i don't feel good at all, this guy just wants to fuck

it was the penis of times, it was the pussy of times

describing my manic posting as breaking the 4th wall

if we all gaze into the abyss at the same time it can't gaze back at all of us

balls aren't even round they are more like beans, this is my beansack

gotta wake up early tomorrow to get a head start on becoming really pissed off

getting my whole ass amputated tomorrow

mr president, senators, congressmen, i implore you all to suck my fucking dick

mr cannoli stop being sad and tell some jokes you fuck, you fat piece of shit

i was cursed by the fuck up wizard to a life of fucking up

i'm rewatching the three stooges and man these guys had it all figured out, timeless comedy you could show this to a victorian child and they would die from laughter

someone guessed i was 28 today, first time i've ever felt flattered low balling my age

i have been playing the wow forever beta, and theres only 24 hours left so they made the mobs in every starting zone drop raid tier pieces and added world bosses like super hogger. honestly this has been a lot of fun, its like a retirement home for 37 year olds

single and ready to grinkle

you can pee on a poo but you can't poo on a pee, makes you think

they just hacked my PHP (pretty hard penis)

every time i get a text telling me to vote i send in another ballot, up to 100 now

is anyone else actually excited for cataclysmic events to befall us

nightmare blunt rotation

yall ready for the internet to fucking die

while the computer is embroiled in some kind of internal crisis that you don't really understand is the perfect time to strike - sun tzu

so the password to the internet was 4 do i have that right

you only like me because i haven't figured out a way to grift you yet

i straight up do not know what anyone is talking about when they refer to computer

did something happen to the entire internet that i should be worried about

horse year really turning out to be pony year, and a dead pony at that

fortnite doesn't even seem like a game to me, feels more like a 3D asset aggregator and glorified chat room where your avatar can be any character from any IP in the history of creation. i cant even begin to imagine there's actual gameplay

saw your man shoving a bunch of hogs out of the way so he could eat from the trough

do you guys think i could still be an astronaut or the president or star quarterback or ninja assassin

actually one of my favorite things to do is be concerning

any one else sick of the wrong people getting murdered

i love my life and the world and everything is amazing btw can anyone treat a brain hemorrhage

guess i'll eat some slop and then shit and piss and cum what else is there to do in this fuckass life

when you die you should be buried with a bunch of candy so trick or treaters can dig you up and get a snickers

hello 911, guess what, i'm peeing outside and you'll never catch me ha ha ha!

there's gotta be a way for a civilian to acquire a tank, i have an idea for how we can save democracy but it really hinges on acquiring at least 5000 operable tanks

who are you gonna vote for, relentless misery or debilitating sadness?

i fucking hate being places i can't swear

it's about time rats came up with a new plague, bubonic is unc