paige

Put it on the poster

Tis the season

4yo got to meet his buddy Michael Myers tonight

Couple of SpongeBobs

I was just outside when a school bus drove by and a kid yelled “Dr. Evil!” out the window at me and I’m just so glad kids are still watching the classics.

are there any celebs on here? i want to make a celeb friend and tell my grandma about it

Edible so good I just remembered this guy

Stores can't be serious with these candy prices. Maybe I will just hand out drugs this year.

Time to do the annual sharing of my favorite Halloween meme

Rhea Seehorn tagged her mom on insta so I had to go check her out and she did not disappoint

with all the talk of nathan fielder i just want to show one of my most prized possessions: a copy of the diarrhea times

Went trick or treating at the zoo today and 4yo decided to loudly declare “the otters are dead”

Happy Halloween from my beautiful family

That’s it I’m going to Michael’s to buy Michael

my Facebook feed is giving me nothing but Pentecostal content???

Hate these political ads man why is my 4yo asking about “taxpayer funded sex changes for criminals” ????? I told him it was a good thing

Went to check on our friend Ron the goat

Now we wait

4yo wants to be “SpongeBob with a chainsaw" for Halloween

My little dudes #wholesome

yah that's for me alright

4yo learned the idiom “now we’re talkin” and suggested instead it be “now we’re poopin” and I agree

Not to sound like an old fart but these e-bikes are a problem. A kid darted in front of my car & I was like bro, did u not see me bro? Why aren't u being safe on that bike bro? Do u know u almost triggered a grim sequence of events that would alter the lives and destinies of everyone involved, bro?

alrighty firing this up

Wait are Ms. Rachel and Taylor Swift both releasing an album on Friday

New Greek myth about to drop.

We weren’t meant to see The Fonz like this

my extremely broken brain was just trying to think of "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade" but first it spit out "Indiana Jones and the Goblet of Christ"

need

This is what I gotta deal with at 6am

(Norm Macdonald Weekend Update voice) Officials cited several problems with the proposal, including "Do you know this is Ohio?”

I regret ever saying he should have mackled less. I take that back

wait a second. no, wait a minute. hold up, hold the phone, hold your horses too. pump the brakes. everybody be quiet right now. all he did was FALL DOWN.

Adele Dazeem

Had a dream we were in spirit Halloween and someone said “let me show you the Oldboy animatronics” ??????

even the twilight groups on Facebook