便便先生

Do you like me? □ No □ No check two

You know how they say 'Those who can't do teach?' What does that mean for all these classes on how to be a teacher?

I think people should be required to start out evangelizing by saying 'Spoiler alert for The Bible.'

I feel like much of the relationship advice I see on the Internet could have easily come from a manifesto John Hinckley wrote in college.

Contra is my favorite word that means either a Nintendo game or a dance or selling missiles to Iran to raise money for death squads in Nicaragua.

Usually there are 0 goths on this bus route. Tonight there are 3. Well, one is a homeless guy in a black trenchcoat with a cart full of Halloween decorations, but I'm counting it.

Say what you want about Insane Clown Posse. Your favorite rapper is counting on The Gathering of the Juggalos to put his kids through school after he's faded from the limelight.

At this point if my life went down the toilet that would be an improvement. My life is currently in the septic tank.

A competition between the writers on Gilmore Girls and the writers on MST3K to see who can come up with the most obscure reference in response to a given quote.

People: You know what your problem is? You're at war with yourself. You need to learn to love yourself. The exact same motherfucking people: What are you doing? Why are you wearing that? You're embarrassing me. Please stop.

Binata pa ako noon, at naniwala ako sa pag-ibig.

If there was a drug that could kill the part of your brain that got disco songs stuck in your head, it would become more popular than any other drug and would obliterate Straight-Edge as the world knows it.

Hi. I'm writing a memoir, mostly for personal growth and fulfillment. I have no plans to publish it. I am a bit behind schedule but I think I can get caught up this weekend. Is this what I'm supposed to say? I'm not sure I understand the assignment. #WeeknightWriters

I hate how going to an all-ages show these days feels like being the old man at the end of Logan's Run.

When I'm hungry the bus moves slow. When I'm tired the bus moves slower. When I have to go to the bathroom the bus practically stands still.

I asked my crush if I could take her to Pound Town, and she slapped me in abject disgust. So I guess I'll have to go by myself to the store where every item is just one unit of British currency.

Rat Race has a lot in common with Squid Games.

Bedknobs are weird. Like, somebody put knobs on beds for no real reason and it became so common we have a word for it.

People struggle to capture an otter. Read all about it at ChargedLBH!

A lot of people talk about vaccinations and how they should be banned for causing autism. Nobody talks about all the mental illness caused by cowboy butts.

'Why teach cursive? It's 2026. Nobody uses it.' - people who apparently use the Pythagorean theorem

I'm in a place where I constantly feel bad things when I interact with people and I constantly feel lonely when I'm not interacting with people. I wish I could just be a cat. Then these feelings would be normal and healthy.

I would like Taylor Lorenz to go on Fucking Cancelled. I don't subscribe to either of them and, frankly, at the moment it would be financially irresponsible for me to do so, but if I had way to reach out and connect them, I would do so. I think it would be an interesting talk.

From now on if an app interrupts whatever I'm using it for asking me to write a review, I'm writing a bad review. I don't care if it's an app that cured my ebola. One star. Suck my dick with your fucking pop ups.

I'm starting a NOMEANSNO cover band called MAYBEMEANSNO. The lyrics of all the songs are changed to be about me asking people if they want to be my friend.

When you are an adult male living alone with ADHD you are basically the coolest person ever to 10-year-old boys. 'Wait, so you got 100% completion on Red Dead Redemption 2?' 'Yep, and after that I ate Taco Bell and watched a documentary about dinosaurs.' 'Can I please have your autograph.'

Today's generation with their TikToks will never know spending your formative years thinking that if you wanted to buy a car you had to pussy cow.

Living alone in your 40s is awesome because sometimes you order a pizza and then when you go to the refrigerator for a sparkling water you realize you still have a cold pizza that you ordered last night.

I have had multiple breakfasts and I am still not happy to be awake today. Sorry cold pizza and ovaltine. You're just not cutting it today.

I kind of hate the message of Green Eggs & Ham. Like, if Sam I Am was trying to get a date with a friend of yours, you would buy that friend pepper spray.

The single coolest thing that has ever happened to me in China.

If your favorite lyric from a Straight-Edge band isn't 'My room's a mess and I can't get dressed.' then either you aren't hXc or you don't have adXhd.

I have 99 problems but a b-word ain't one, because generally, when women see you have 99 problems, they're wise enough to not get involved with you.

If you are in a war and you are driving the tank and you have to pee pee and poo poo is there a toilet in the tank or do you just have to open the tank window and dangle your bojangles?

You can't teach an old dog new tricks. You also can't call an old dog Barky Bark. Old dogs want to be taken seriously and ask to be called Bark Wahlberg.

If you're not going to reciprocate my crush the least you could do is be really ugly and mean instead of perfect in every way.

Es war hässlich und jetzt ist es vorbei.

'The book the Kanamits have been reading, To Serve Man. We've been able to translate it.' 'Dear God, it's a cookbook isn't it?' 'Worse. It's the screenplay for a sequel to You Got Served.'

Me organizing my desk: 'This shelf is for stuff I don't know what to do with. This shelf is... for stuff I don't know what to do with...'

My astrology teacher asked us to make a star chart, only I thought she said 'starch art.' My potato sculpture got an F and now I'll never be a person who gets paid to make stuff up.

In Australia, there is an entire store that sells things that are worth wool, but they do not tell you how much wool the stuff is worth, just that it's Woolworth's. Believe it or not, this is not the stupidest joke I've ever made.

amazing article

I'm just going to date myself for a while. Well, friends with benefits myself. Except we aren't really friends. I'm just going to fuck buddy myself for a while.

I feel like if Vladimir Lenin was alive today and he was given a general overview of what the Internet was and the significance of the suffix '-tube' he would be seriously, seriously disappointed by RedTube.

I'm not clear on how radical acceptance is anything more than a new agey way of saying 'Life sucks. Get over it.'