Cam T. Skele-Mann

I’m tarnationmaxing. I’m consarnit-pilled. I’m in my high falutin’ era.

Fuck funko pops, I’m starting a scrub daddy collection

Broke: Doing CPR to Stayin Alive Woke: Doing CPR to Another One Bites the Dust Bespoke: Doing CPR to Psycho Killer

Had to take my cpr test in this weird closet this morning. I did not speak to a single living human until someone piped up from the webcam to tell me I could ask for help if I needed it.

Implying that any member of the NYPD was gonna be in there hooping if he wasn’t using it.

I’m like the Dr Kevorkian of amputations

Abbott and Costello Fuck Frankenstein

Oh thank god it’s fixed. I was really jonesing there for a while

Well, bluesky’s broken on mobile. See you guys in 24-48 hours

Had a dream the other night that I was buying cigarettes. Idk what that’s about.

Even money that case is empty and he just put it up there to fill space

My Airbnb host is claiming the right of primae noctis during my honeymoon.

I can’t wait for 80 percent of the US GDP to evaporate into thin air when this bubble bursts

“Oh no! I accidentally told my kinds that trans people exist when I was yelling at them about how their favorite disney characters were actually men!”

*sees the coolest vehicle ever made* Wtf is Wrong with this thing?

“bloodless” yeah okay, dipshit.

If I was a boomer and simply falling over was enough to kill me, I would probably try not to be such a fucking prick all the time.

Ooh ooh! Timmy and Tommy TCOT

Jurassic Park almost used stop motion effects by Phil Tippet instead of animatronics.

So they really don’t teach you anything at Yale, huh?

Started watching that new Tenzing Norgay movie on Apple and my main takeaway thus far has been that yaks are awesome and I love them.

My career as a bath salts reviewer ended in shambles, but THIS time…

They waxed the floors in our store last night and now it feels like my frontal lobe is melting from the fumes

Stop that. I don’t want nerd shit in my sports. Those are two separate interests.

If you asked for this you’re literally going to hell. And not in a quirky, oh Im so edgy, I’m going to hell kinda way. Torment awaits you in the hereafter.

names this good shouldn't be wasted on scumbag political operatives. Timmy Teepell is the name of a retired relief pitcher who threw 43 innings of 4.50 ERA ball for the '94-95 Royals and Tommy Teepell should be his 5-tool prospect son everyone else in the Orioles dugout has nicknamed "T-Dawg"

Performing Roman style decimation on my follow list

Jalen Hurts? Yeah, I bet he does, Jesus Christ…

Why do shitlibs always threaten trans people if they ostensibly want their votes? Are they stupid?

*slurring, reeking of bathtub gin* Leegaliiiiiizhe it

Excuse me sir, do you disavow the Mario Brotherhood?

I can’t believe there was ever a time in my life when I thought this jackass was smart.

The Jeffersonian dream of every man a micronation

“I know they don’t share any of your values at all, even a little, but this is the most important election of our LIVES!”

Could you imagine having Hemingway as a wingman? That’d be fucking crazy.

@jonbois.bsky.social There‘s probably some interesting insight to be found regarding the continued prevalence of Tommy vs the gradual extinction of Bob.

Crabs Rule Everything Around Me

Have you ever seen someone with a Glup Shitto-ass name and think to yourself “Damn, that is a Glup Shitto-ass name right there.”

You know they don’t give you your lifetime earninga in one lump sum right? They give it to you in small bi-weekly chunks that are barely enough to subsist off of?

Like 5 of every model GW makes and some really expensive oil paints. And time to fuck around with it all.

This was a temp job, but I was hired to help remove a bunch of silt that washed out of a construction site behind a pet food factory. You could tell when they changed what flavor they were making because the stench would shift halfway through the day.

Having no opinion on health care whatsoever would be 100x better than being a childless dipshit who tells new parents “um ackshually, you only have to pay a years salary to have your baby, no more than that.”

That whispering sound you heard was thousands of executive assistants explaining that not one person on earth will buy that piece of shit

As a new parent whose baby had to stay in the NICU for 4 months because of extreme prematurity, why don’t you go fuck yourself, you dickhead.

What, is he gonna meet young Freddy Krueger too? What the fuck is this?

Logging on