Captain Awkward

Urgent care made me e-sign a consent to have my upcoming visit transcribed by an AI tool (AudioScribe) as part of a slate of standard patient consents before I could even book the appointment, with language that if I had a problem with it I could speak to clinic staff once I’m there.

Gross brown water is dripping out of our bathroom ceiling and clearly soaking into the back bedroom ceiling as well. Property management has not called me back. @jeremydnichols@bsky.social has rigged containers to catch drips and is checking with neighbors. 😬😬

Verdict is: 🤷🏻‍♂️ Active leaking has dwindled, nothing *obvious* upstairs is causing it. We’ll leave our drip catchers in place, he’s asking the upstairs neighbors to shower in the other bathroom until further notice and coming back tmw morning. 😫

Gross brown water is dripping out of our bathroom ceiling and clearly soaking into the back bedroom ceiling as well. Property management has not called me back. @jeremydnichols@bsky.social has rigged containers to catch drips and is checking with neighbors. 😬😬

Excellent thread! There *are* rewards for being A Good Guy Who Speaks Up even if they are not immediately obvious or publicly bestowed. First, integrity is its own reward. Maybe you didn’t save the world or change hearts & minds. But if you held the line on not making it worse, that’s something.

Solidarity is powerful, The last two groups are people you can work with! Maybe you band together to push the Unsafe Men out or you leave the Unsafe Room together & make a better one. It all starts when someone stands up and does the right thing. Preferably you, preferably not *just* you.

Excellent thread! There *are* rewards for being A Good Guy Who Speaks Up even if they are not immediately obvious or publicly bestowed. First, integrity is its own reward. Maybe you didn’t save the world or change hearts & minds. But if you held the line on not making it worse, that’s something.

And maybe you will be tempted back into second-guessing yourself, like, “damned if I speak up, damned if I don’t, maybe I was overreacting, etc.” It does not feel great to learn that a room you thought was safe is only safe for the very worst people!

Excellent thread! There *are* rewards for being A Good Guy Who Speaks Up even if they are not immediately obvious or publicly bestowed. First, integrity is its own reward. Maybe you didn’t save the world or change hearts & minds. But if you held the line on not making it worse, that’s something.

Now, if that “come on, it was just a joke, don’t ruin the mood!” pressure only came from the Unsafe Man (singular), it would be easy to defeat. But what *very* often happens (& what makes so many people reluctant to speak up), is that bystanders intervene, but on the completely wrong side.

Excellent thread! There *are* rewards for being A Good Guy Who Speaks Up even if they are not immediately obvious or publicly bestowed. First, integrity is its own reward. Maybe you didn’t save the world or change hearts & minds. But if you held the line on not making it worse, that’s something.

I just cannot stress this enough: If you attempt a joke that doesn’t land, or you say something unintentionally problematic or hurtful, and somebody checks you on it, there are so many ways to walk it back. Take accountability. Apologize. At minimum, stop saying more words to make it worse!

Excellent thread! There *are* rewards for being A Good Guy Who Speaks Up even if they are not immediately obvious or publicly bestowed. First, integrity is its own reward. Maybe you didn’t save the world or change hearts & minds. But if you held the line on not making it worse, that’s something.

“Oops, my bad.” “You’re right. Sorry everybody.” “That sounded way worse out loud than it did inside my head.” “Yeesh, I apologize.” “I was trying to be funny, but yeah, that was not great.” “Noted! Howabout that subject change.” There are SO MANY ways to not double down on being an asshole!

Excellent thread! There *are* rewards for being A Good Guy Who Speaks Up even if they are not immediately obvious or publicly bestowed. First, integrity is its own reward. Maybe you didn’t save the world or change hearts & minds. But if you held the line on not making it worse, that’s something.

For demonstration purposes, assume a casual group social setting with multiple cishet dudes, of which “You” are one. Schrödinger’s Jokester: [drops a horrible turd in the conversational punch bowl] Former Coward You: [silence or nervous laughter] New Vibe-Killer You: “Yiiikes. WTF, man?”

Excellent thread! There *are* rewards for being A Good Guy Who Speaks Up even if they are not immediately obvious or publicly bestowed. First, integrity is its own reward. Maybe you didn’t save the world or change hearts & minds. But if you held the line on not making it worse, that’s something.

Because: Either you’ll make it so uncomfortable for the Unsafe Men that they’ll leave, or you’ll realize you’re vastly outnumbered by assholes and you’ll leave for a better scene.

Excellent thread! There *are* rewards for being A Good Guy Who Speaks Up even if they are not immediately obvious or publicly bestowed. First, integrity is its own reward. Maybe you didn’t save the world or change hearts & minds. But if you held the line on not making it worse, that’s something.

So here’s where I ask, whose “vibe” is being protected when a fellow dude feels comfortable saying fucked up things around you, unchallenged? Not yours! It feels awful! Not the targets of the horrible words!

Excellent thread! There *are* rewards for being A Good Guy Who Speaks Up even if they are not immediately obvious or publicly bestowed. First, integrity is its own reward. Maybe you didn’t save the world or change hearts & minds. But if you held the line on not making it worse, that’s something.

I say “at best” because feeling shame about your own inaction in the face of obvious wrongness indicates you might still have a working conscience, and the memory of how bad you felt last time you should have spoken up but didn’t can inspire do it differently next time.

Excellent thread! There *are* rewards for being A Good Guy Who Speaks Up even if they are not immediately obvious or publicly bestowed. First, integrity is its own reward. Maybe you didn’t save the world or change hearts & minds. But if you held the line on not making it worse, that’s something.

Dropping off my Cologuard sample at a UPS so the sorcerers can scry my humours and prophesy about whether a Great Evil hath indeed possessed my entrails.