Rob H.

Twitter refugee, author of hilarious comedy novels, traveller, gamer, sports fan #lufc #steelers and lover of old Hollywood, Japan and anything humorous or random 😊

Today is my birthday.🎊 I'm celebrating it in Berlin. 🇩🇪If you buy my books as a birthday gift to yourselves, they will make you laugh out loud and that will make me smile. 😊 Which would be the best birthday present ever. (Well, aside from a Ferrari, a yacht and a supermodel).

I think this says it all about #bluesky The top five 'humour' feeds have 31, 13, 6, 1 and 1 followers respectively 🤦‍♂️🙁

The paperback is now out in the wild 📔 Murder! Mystery! Intrigue! Friendship! Incompetence! Homicidal monkeys! 😂 www.amazon.co.uk/Assassins-So...

Dear "book marketing experts" 🙄 Did you know....? When you go into somebody's DMs and start a conversation that leads to, 'I can help you market your book if you pay me'.....from the other person's perspective you're just a stranger on the internet asking for money.

Does anyone else wish they could get in a time machine and go back to the 1980s to run a multi level marketing scheme and make lots of money off of unsuspecting fools? Nobody? Awesome...no competition😁 In unrelated news, has anybody got a time machine they can lend me? 😁

You can tell how useful you are at work when you ask for time off - if the manager cries then you're indispensable. I just booked a week off and they held a party. 😳😁

On today's 'In what world do you think your answer actually helps?'... 🤦‍♂️😂

There skeletons wearing hats in a bath on wheels...I see some strange things when I go for a walk 😁

I have never been part of a starter pack on here 😨 Also, I've never gone around to anyone's house and rammed a copy of my new book up their arse because they haven't bought it yet 😁 I wonder which will happen first? 😂

Don't forget...as an adult you can buy yourself a large chocolate cake, take it home and eat it all by yourself in your PJs. No-one checks. 😊

New job and I have no clue what I'm doing and lied on my CV...'fake it until you make it' they said, so let's give this a go 😁 "Flight AB125, you are cleared for take off. Or landing. Or you can just fly where you want. Over." 😳😂

I never thought I'd see the day when fish fingers were nearly £9 😳

Dear Americans, As you get ready to celebrate (?) 4th July tomorrow, it's not too late to come back to us. 😊 Our leaders might be incompetent, but at least they're not mean.

The first review of my new book, 'The Assassins' Social Club 2' "I loved reading it. Made me laugh out loud. Thank you, Rob. Very entertaining. I'm looking forward to The Assassins' Social Club #3, #4, and #5!" If you want to laugh out loud...maybe you should buy it too?! 😊

My new book is out today in paperback as well as Kindle. Only buy it if you like escapism, laughter, warm characters, an interesting story...and homicidal monkeys. 😁 #booksky

A Trump supporter DM'd me on Twitter saying she got one of my books but didn't understand the humour 🤦‍♂️ Proof that my books are only for intelligent people - Six Idiots Witness a Murder - The Assassins Social Club Laugh until your sides split (unless you're a Trumper) 😂 #booksky #writingcommunity

I don't like plants. There's something suspicious about them. They can live and thrive forever when they're in the wild but as soon as you put them in your garden they're all like, 'water me!, give me expensive plant food!, keep me out of the sun!, now move me into the sun!' Dodgy.

I have just ended an email with the word "Regards" (without the 'kind' in front of it) to show the recipient how furious I am about their email. 😁

I'm beginning to think Bluesky has become Linkedin's slightly more serious cousin.

This came up in my reels a few days ago & I haven't been able to stop thinking about it

I really want to be a billionaire, just like my dad. He wants to be a billionaire too. 😁

It's said that if you gave an infinite number of monkeys an infinite amount time they would eventually come up with the complete works of Shakespeare. Why do monkeys hate us so much?! 😳🙈

Just remember to do your best every day 😊 We all know it's not good enough but at least you tried 😁

Here is your to-do list for today: Make sure you have enough coffee Get your shit together Face the day with a weary smile Slap the living crap out of anyone who gets in your way 😁

Many French guillotine victims had their heads [Removed]

There are lots of things in the world to annoy us but the worst has to be websites that load the button you need to click and then, as you go to click it, load other stuff that moves the button down the page so you end up clicking on something else. Also, download my new book.

I like a chat and my DMs are open but this is how not to do it...🙈😂

#booksky Did you know....you could download the two most readable, interesting and fun books you'll ever read in your life for less than £5? Bargain! Laughter, warm characters, exotic global locations, murder, mystery and homicidal monkeys! What's not to love?! 😁 Kindle

The Assassins' Social Club 2 A dark comedy of murder, mystery, intrigue, incompetence...and homicidal monkeys. #writingcommunity #booksky #lufc fans - buy it now or I'll get Victor Orta back 😁

I just popped on Twitter to promote my new book and it's much more vibrant than Bluesky. I wonder if the idiots over there are what made it fun? It's civilised here but it's like having a good time in a noisy pub and then taking your sensible mates home for a quiet drink and it's not as raucous.😳

#booksky For those of you who like escapism, humour, mystery and globe-trotting assassins, this was released yesterday and has already seen its first sales 😁 Kindle version available now, paperback in a few days. The Assassins Social Club 2

#lufc First game on Sky....that's a surprise 😊

Sad news about Brian Wilson. RIP

Finally...

Are you struggling to find a gift for #FathersDay? Does your dad tell dad jokes? Are they.....a bit shit? Get him this....high quality and original dad jokes to give the family a rest from the same four jokes he's been telling for the last ten years! 😁

@annmeharg.bsky.social Sneaky peek...

I've always considered Pringles to be an indoor crisp but yesterday I saw someone eating a tube of them outside 🤯 That's got to be against the law, surely?

It's sad to report that bluesky has suddenly become very political... it's better than that other place but jeepers, every other post is about that stupid orange moron. 😨

As a potential serial killer, it's important to know how to dispose of the bodies. 😂😳

#PSGINT That's just what the game needed. I'd forgotten how negative Italian teams were so maybe they'll have to attack now.

#booksky I have just completed book number 5 It's a sequel to one of my other books It's a comedy novel about assassins It will be out in June Buy it or my assassins will come round and shoot you Unless it's George who's quite forgetful... he'll probably shoot your neighbour instead 😁

What were you told as a kid that seems totally nonsensical now? I was always told to wash behind my ears 😳😂

I've finally realised what's wrong with #Bluesky and why it won't ever be as good as that other app used to be. The 'Feeds' idea is a good one but has turned people into one trick ponies...I can't remember the last time I saw someone post something that wasn't connected to their core interest. 🤔

Good morning all....I see the politics bots have finally arrived on here 😳

One of the only good things about work is when you find somebody who hates the same person in the office that you do 😁

Did you know...? It is scientifically proven that people who buy and enjoy my books do better in life than thsoe who don't. It's true. My books are comedies and with no sense of humour you won't attract a mate or be able to overcome challenges at work and in life. So buy, laugh and win at life.

It's not wrong...😁

Thank you 😊 My favourite character runs a crematorium 😊 #booksky #writingcommunity

Do you think people should have to pass an intelligence test before being allowed on social media?