CaramelBeard

I bought the Apple Polishing Cloth as a joke after the price drop and I hate to admit it but this overpriced meme rag actually works absurdly well.

As a kid, I thought killer bees were going to be more of a logistical concern when I became an adult.

I can’t help but feel that if folks directed the same level of outrage they feel about TikTok towards domestic affairs, things could be a lot different here in the US.

This app is a mine field of scrote and shaft pics. Label your shit, weirdos. Not everyone wants to be a part of your kink.

I missed out on the #ReederApp update this year because I didn’t “get it”. I was wrong. I’ve been cutting back on what I consume online, and this app has been excellent at helping me curate the feeds, YouTube channels, and subreddits that I still want to follow.

Yule-hole [YOOL hohl] (n.) -The last hole to which one can stretch their belt at a Christmas dinner. (Shouldn't there be a Thanksgiving hole?) Sentence: "This year I need to add a whole new Yule-hole to my belt… or just wear my Yule sweatpants!" Or “Blow it out your Yule-hole Uncle Wilfred!”

I’m not sure why, but Instagram seems to think I’m interested in vintage Kraft Miracle Whip recipe videos. Honestly, the food in the 1970s must have been genuinely awful.

I don't mean this as a defense of the guy: I think Mr Beast gets a lot of hate for doing stuff rich people do all the time but the rest of us just assumed wasn't allowed

What is the best era of #MST3K and why is it when Mike Nelson was host?

I dislike how inundated with politics/political-adjacent content I am. Like, I'm all about staying informed about what's up, but its all just everywhere. I want it to be something I seek out and can control but it feels like its just everywhere.

Perfection.

Call me crazy but I get the feeling this incoming administration isn’t quite on the up-and-up 🤔

I was bored so I asked #ChatGPT to generate a picture of Paul Walker smiling from heaven. Honestly, it turned out better than I expected -- I might have it framed.

Remember: we all make mistakes. Even highly trained astronauts make mistakes, like losing a tool bag during a spacewalk.

“A Trail of Broken Vaginas” is the title of my upcoming memoir dropping this spring.

I go into every bowl of Reese’s Puffs cereal knowing it’s going to absolutely wreck the roof of my mouth — it’s called courage, look it up.

wheres pepsi. why cant i talk to doritos and arbys on here. where is the personification of netflix, the streaming service. i want to pass the digital blunt to steakums right FUCKING now

Threads is a jobs program for social media managers

why, did something happen?

Why do I have so many social media apps installed?? I don’t even like social media!

Threads feels like a fake social media network from an open-world game. It’s all the vapid shit that writers clown on when putting something like that into a game, it’s just missing the part where people talk about whatever the fuck Spider-Man did in the last mission.

i hope every body finds the social media home they truly deserve

If a media outlet doesn’t call Oppenheimer the “most explosive movie of the summer” I’m gonna go and live in the forest.

WE WILL RELEASE A NEW TWITTER CLONE EVERY HOUR UNTIL OUR DEMANDS ARE MET

I’m too exhausted to download yet another social media app…

My fan base continues to grow

I can't save post on here? How am I going to show my coworkers and friends just how cheeky and fun I am using other peoples jokes? Taking screenshots like a caveman? This app sucks.

Mastodon has the angst, Lenny has… beans? I guess? What does BlueSky have? Existential dread?