cbh

Feels nice to have things to look forward to this week. In general I've been little more active on my weekends, doing actual things like going for hikes etc... I really detest how my life has revolved around a screen for so long. I long to be out in the world. And to me everything is new-

is really a huge bummer and in my previous situation, kinda hurtful. I want to know where I live and experience and see everything it has to offer. It doesn't even need to be anything big, I'm just happy to see nature and wildlife that are not typical to where I'm from.

Feels nice to have things to look forward to this week. In general I've been little more active on my weekends, doing actual things like going for hikes etc... I really detest how my life has revolved around a screen for so long. I long to be out in the world. And to me everything is new-

and exciting here. I lived in MO for almost 9 years and barely got to see anything. In CT I feel much more in tune with my surroundings, and I'm near a lot of interesting things to see... and I'm actually getting to see and explore things (it's also nice/helps to have a partner who is happy to go-

I think I compare myself to others way too much. Which is one reason among many that I'm so slow to post any art (trust me there's no shortage of things I could post) I have to force myself to make some time for studies and personal art, I feel little stagnated which is probably why I compare-

I'm just reflecting lot of my own feelings on some stuff that's going down with certain youtubers today (I haven't cared about them in over a decade and don't particularly wish anything good for anyone involved), so it's hard not to feel -something-. I'm just human with similar experiences.

So I just saw myself in that, similarly, I was (still am) so ride or die and I wasn't enough. I wasn't worth even the respect of just being broken up with before jumping in with someone else Just glad I didn't have children or something like that involved in my personal situation, that must be hell

Life keeps moving back at home, in the good and bad... and it's bad stuff yet again. Just leaves me thinking and feeling lot of things. I think I have the building blocks for a possibly good life here if I just put the effort in it... it just comes with some foundational pieces that I'm not-

I've complained about this before, but man the driveway/parking lot around the neighborhood I live in is so bad, that we think the potholes did actually do a tire in from our car. There was like a giant bubble in it : / We got it sorted, we did kinda need new tires soon anyway, but man...

I remember saying years ago, that I don't care if the person I'm dating doesn't like my art. I...do actually care. I honestly don't know a worse feeling when you're with someone who slowly stops showing any interest in your art, never requests art from you, or commissions it. Doesn't say anything-

I'm just so used to making myself small and avoiding making any waves. I think this goes with everything in my life lol. I think this is part why I also lost my sight or drive to make art for myself. Like, someone really close to me didn't seem to care, so why should I?

I remember saying years ago, that I don't care if the person I'm dating doesn't like my art. I...do actually care. I honestly don't know a worse feeling when you're with someone who slowly stops showing any interest in your art, never requests art from you, or commissions it. Doesn't say anything-

You can learn to remove yourself a bit, on a personal level, when you do it for work. But it's still all stuff that comes from YOU. It's very personal, and closely tied to confidence/self-esteem. It is actually soul crushing to be in an environment where you feel shit about yourself and your art.

I remember saying years ago, that I don't care if the person I'm dating doesn't like my art. I...do actually care. I honestly don't know a worse feeling when you're with someone who slowly stops showing any interest in your art, never requests art from you, or commissions it. Doesn't say anything-

when you DO art for them. It's disposable to them. You just slowly watch as they go and involve everyone else but you in their artistic endeavors. It chipped away my confidence and among all the other things that happened, I made myself really small

Might be the first time in a decade I'm not selling out all my slots, and I'm also basically carried by my regulars this month - you know it makes me little scared, but these things also fluctuate a lot (last month for example was very different). I'm very grateful this job has been so consistent

for so long, please don't get me wrong here. I know the world is changing and rising costs of -everything- means people can't afford extra stuff the same way anymore (I mean, I can't either). That said, going forward, I'm gonna try and think of a commission tier that would be bit more affordable-