CEEFAUX

Your early morning caffeine hit.

For the majestic #walterkoenig

COMPETITION ENTRIES CLOSED Wow. You've absolutely smashed it this time (in a good way, not like knocking over a vase or anything). Some absolute corkers among the 200+ suggestions. We will take these away and formulate a short list of our faves to post. Thanks so much again, you really are brill x

This is your one hour 18 minute warning...entries are about to close!

We gave you a bonus hour this weekend to come up with your own listings and we are now absolutely "rammed full of tremendous entries" (don't google that phrase). Still a bit of time, so please keep sending us your stuff, some of them are really, really, really good.

107 entries so far and many of the make us want to laugh, laugh, laugh, and then pack up CEEFAUX Towers and sell it off because they are far superior to our nonsense. You've got until 9.58am tomorrow to get your entries in. BTW, don't do swears, so don't effing do them either you muthas.

SEE! Barry won a mug and he hasn't died from using it yet.

Please note, we would NEVER shred your submissions. You take care and time over them and they should be treated with respect and dignity. Yes, we do set fire to them, but that's just a security/health/pagan god sacrifice thing, nothing to worry about.

Some genuine geniuses at work with submissions so far, along with quite a few "WHY THE HELL DIDN'T WE THINK OF THAT?". You've got all weekend, so take your time and send in your ideas - you too could be making dozens of people slightly laugh and be in with the chance of an prize.

We're already chortling, guffawing, and possibly sighting the ROFL-copter with your suggestions. Competition is open until Monday so you don't have to just send something in quickly without really thinking and yes WE DO MEAN THE HOMES UNDER THE HAMMERS ONES. Ahem. Sorry.

𝐕𝐈𝐄𝐖𝐄𝐑'𝐒 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐙𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐏! Think you can make the CEEFAUX faithful laugh? Click the link & send us up to 3 listings. We'll pick our faves, post them here & let the public decide who wins our 'top' merch. Enter by Mon@9.58am|see form for details - GOODUS LUCKUS! (latin) forms.gle/FjRLGuVhKm9p...

COMPETITION LAUNCHES AT 4.31PM TODAY (no, we have no idea why it's that time either). It'll run across the weekend and there will be much revels. Come back at that time what we said to enter and come up with something better than crap like this.

Our competition launches tomorrow at 5pm. Details later today but surely you can do better than us?

For anyone else having to endure the #itv commentary tonight from #sammatterface

DON'T ASK US ANYTHING ANY MORE (we've got to get our tea). Thank you for the 50+ questions, you didn't let us down. We'll do this again some time, maybe when we've had a few drinks so the answers are funny to start with, then get a bit sad, then angry, then just plain odd.

Anything that advances the joy that was teletext and brought information to people when it was scarce and helped them out, we applaud. Even if it did smell and had rubbish shoes.

Why not?

The one that goes: • Eb (E♭ major / E♭) • Dm7 (D minor 7) • Bb / D (B♭ major with a D in the bass)

• Eb (E♭ major / E♭) • Dm7 (D minor 7) • Bb / D (B♭ major with a D in the bass)

Roast Mooch Jones

ASK US ANYTHING EXTENDED TO 6PM UK TIME 40+ questions already submitted and only two sent to the police so far. ngl.link/ceefaux/pix

No, but we do suffer from lumbago and sciatica, both of which are back issues.

Cut the blue wire.

That’s very kind of you to say. The world is a bit rubbish and we all struggle, so if we can makes a few people smile or laugh or post £20 notes under the door then we’ve done our bit.

Very much so. Although it might not be his actual name.

Yes. Quite a few times. We try to never do gags that someone could feel hurt by. Even if they were former royals who died 29 years ago (shame, as it was a belter)z

It exists, of that we can be sure.

FINAL 15 MINS OF ASK US ANYTHING Apparantly it's all anonymous apart from if you used your fingers to type and then we can see your fingerprints and work out who you are. ngl.link/ceefaux/pix

Bury? Bury.

Turner the Worm arrives like Thanos and takes them both out.

Each of them in that order.

We asked him but he wouldn’t REVEAL.

Jesus Christ, no!

Absolutely fine thank you Susan, not that you really care. Oh, and you still have our tshirt.

We are CEEFAUX, each listing is a CEEFAUX, it’s a bit like fish/fish.

No, we had the chicken. They had steak and prawns and then tried to split the bill 50/60

Temu-text we call it

Ask Sting, he’ll know

We love Jim. Sometimes we have had similar ideas but he has the talent to make them into pictures and we only have a second hand Spirograph.

An overly ambitious covers band

Mosschops and Terry Dactyl

Survivors aren’t buried. He stood on a block of ice. He’s a dwarf and uses an umbrella to press the button.

Eating the first while doing the second while under the third.

Depends on purpose. First if opening zoo. Second if entertaining an antipodean. Third if need to absorb moisture. Fourth if needing temporary fidget toy.

Nearest the bull to decide who goes first.

Yes! You, just now.

Arctic Roll and Vienetta.