chrismixel

Walking out of the bathroom announcing to the party "I pooped my shit"

Remember when music was so important that you'd spend half of your lunch in high school calling 1-800-MUSIC-NOW over and over to listen to the first minute of your favorite songs over and over? Get your prostate checked.

My will stipulates that I must be cremated, and then the ash be compacted and shaped into a small skeleton. There's also a bag of hair I've been saving, and that needs to be made into a wig for my skeleton. It's all in the will, and you lose the inheritance if you hide little bony me away.

theonion.com/dolly-parton... I mean honestly think about it... Dude went though history telling the people around him to write things down for him. Then has a kid, and the kid ends up doing the same, walking around telling 12 people to write everything down for him... Onion is on to something here

I spend every cent I make on money.

Seriously the most passive aggressive towards generic white people sign on the front window of my local Chinese Food restaurant is sometimes the only thing keeping me alive

An entire world is praying that the rule of three stays true and a certain, 3rd, 80-year-old child rapist will pass this third day. Cmon if they are going to take two good ones, can't they take the worst one next?

Normalize breaking meta glasses

You notice how the older you get the longer it takes to ensure you're not smelly?

Doing some deep fall cleaning. The way I know I'm serious about the cleaning this time? I just cleaned out and actually threw away most of the things from: 1. An ammo box I've dropped every loose screw and strange fastener I've ever run across 2. My junk drawer 3. My cables drawer

Still thinking about how MacGruber inspired The Odyssey

I don't know who needs to know this, but reboot your internet router every now and then. I just ~12X'd the speed of my internet, which I started noticing was running slow. I unplug mine when I change my air-filters, and have an alert set to remind me monthly

Don't fret, Soccer will be popular again very soon. Stephen Chow is back baby!

Today on the 4th of July, I'm going to drive over to eat at the Whataburger where Alex Jones popped this past week.

I don't mean to brag, but I create carbon multiple ways, daily.

Every time you think sports is over, they find another one

I will say, the view from the top of the parking lot at work is pretty amazing sometimes.

They should put more snacks in my house.

I've been enjoying this show so much I'm signing up for the YT membership www.youtube.com/@enterthedar...

One guess where I'm eating tonight

Since Colbert is in the news, let's go back and watch one of the best episodes of a late night show that's ever been aired: Back before Colbert started, they had a series of test hosts and test "Late night" shows. This one was pretty amazing: web.archive.org/web/20150131...

I have about 100 2026 pennies available, check my website.

What stage are you in? I'm in the watching conspiracy videos on the Disney Cars franchise about 30% of the day.

Oh hell yeah, Jack Black finally remembered his Youtube password. www.youtube.com/watch?v=uui4...

Wake up sheeple! One of your parents is a sheep!

I'm going to start making 2026 pennies.

I also "stage my shooter" to "get more ball room"

Past few weeks I have been out in my yard collecting grass seeds, bringing them inside and breaking them down to individual seeds and spreading them all over my yard on all the bare spots. I've been also pulling up tons of weeds. Turns out all I needed to become a yard guy was a pair of gloves.