Clay Griffith

"Shove that ballroom up your fat ass" is the new pledge of allegiance.

Watching football I saw a political ad about the "racism of the Left." No candidate. It features a white person in shadows with the voiceover "I'm afraid to go outside because of the color of my skin." We are living in Jesse Helms' fantasy world.

The permission to be racist is powerful stuff. Trump goes to rallies and says he doesn't care about gas prices because billionaires are making more billions. His fans just take it. They won't pay for healthcare or education, but they will pay any price to hate brown people in public.

Sad, but it doesn't have to be inevitable. This isn't an advancement in film like talkies or color that audiences demanded. Audiences don't demand AI. They just demand a good movie. AI isn't about making good movies; it's just about making more money with less skill. #movies #scriptsky

I was alive in 2016 but I don't remember the Clown Panic. I've seen a couple things online about it recently. Where was I during this whole thing? Has my memory been scrubbed? #clownpanic

"Hey! Mr. President! It's me! Hello!"

Remember when WandaVision came out? It was the subject of constant discussion, online and otherwise. VisionQuest is out now. I haven't heard a peep. I watch it. It's enjoyable. I really wish Ultron was played as a smug robot rather than smug James Spader. But the popular silence is telling.

I once described Elon Musk as an "overmighty subject." That's someone in the Middle Ages who has more power via money or access than their station allows. Overmighty subjects tend to get crushed, either by impulsive kings or vengeful nobles, occasionally by the very peasants who once loved them.

I'm having a tuna melt for dinner. I'm unreasonably excited about this.

Tonight on FRAUD SQUAD (In Color), a tip by an anonymous patriot uncovers an international criminal operation. The patriot receives 1% of Venezuela's GNP while the Sleeping Bandit will be arraigned in the International Court of Justice. In a moment, the results of that trial...

Never has a petard been more in need of a hoist

I voted yesterday. It's a secret ballot so I can't officially tell you I voted for every Democrat I could find. If I had been able to vote to imprison every sitting GOP official, I would have. I didn't see that option on my ballot. I looked twice.

If you can see me, you may already be president of the United States.

Any chance another country will indict Elon Musk for war crimes because of his orders to throttle Ukraine's satellites? And any chance a black ops team will seize him like Eichmann and haul him before the Hague? And any chance he will be convicted and spend the rest of his life in prison?

We should demand New Hampshire change its name to New America. This is America, not the UK!

I searched Google for "dermatologists near me." The first result was a seafood restaurant. My appointment is tomorrow. "So I've got this mole on my back. Pass the clarified butter." <cracks crab leg>

Remember when you used to see this picture on matchbooks and it said "Identify me and you can be president of the United States! Apply Today."

I disavow the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. Magneto's trunks are ridiculously high-waisted, like Fred Mertz high-waisted, and Mastermind is smoking. Smoking!

How long before Trump promises that if the GOP wins the midterms he will fly over the country and drop 100 dollar bills from Air Force One.

The Tesla news conference about their new hover car seems eerily familiar

Think about this. The president of the U.S. said he took a test that included pictures of a lion, bear, giraffe, and snake. It asked him to identify the lion. He identified the lion. This was him bragging. He took pride in this accomplishment. The PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

I watched The Gorgon as I do every October and there was a little exchange I never noticed before but seemed timely: Paul: I asked to see my father's body. The police refused. They wouldn't say why. Dr. Namaroff: We live in a police state. They don't have to say why.

I don't watch SNL and I don't know Shane Gillis. I think I saw him in a beer commercial with Peyton Manning. From the material, he comes off as a comic who tries to play middle of the road, but is really more "the world is phony because I can't say r*t*rd!"

"Churchill could've stopped this war many times, and he chose not to...he better damn well stop. I think it's time for Britain to get a new prime minister." See how impossible this sounds from anybody but Trump?

Pinterest keeps emailing about Belted Trouser Sets For You. I don't know what they want! Why won't they leave me alone?!

I assume Trump's team is working with Congressional GOP leadership to plot a way to prevent Congress from convening next year in case -- a)midterms happen & b)results are allowed -- so that the Dem majority is never installed. Some ludicrous interpretation of Article II Section 3.

I sometimes listen to spooky stories on YouTube. There's stuff like True Camping Horror Stories and True Halloween Horror Stories and Home Alone or First Date or Mountain Cabin etc.. I saw one for True Apple Picking Horror Stories. Ok, time to pack it in at that point. Your channel is done.

Susan Zell Griffith has a new book coming in November! If you like magic, monsters, cocktails, romance, and mystery you will like it. It's The Thin Man meets Dr. Strange. I read it. It's great. www.clayandsusangriffith.com

Trump buying oil from Russia & calling for regime change in Ukraine. I don't doubt Trump has been sharing intelligence with Putin, maybe not on purpose, but probably on purpose. We are closer to actually providing military support for Russia.

Trump is taking credit for preventing war between N. Korea & S. Korea, NK & Japan, Taiwan & China. Like every president before him hasn't. Trump is that guy who unwillingly gets up one time to get breakfast for his kids, and then never shuts up about what a great father he is.

I'm from NC and I can say that even Jesse Helms in his most bigoted dreams never really believed America could be where we are today. We are living in the America Jesse Helms prayed for. That's how bad it is.

I checked the Amazon "About You" and it says "Prioritizes professional-grade kitchen equipment." Oh yeah. Spot on. If you know me, you know I love 2 things -- Pitbull and Professional-grade Kitchen Equipment.

Looks great! "A stunning comeback from Duncan Jones." Comeback? Where've you been, @manmademoon.bsky.social ?

Last night around 8:30 we both suddenly realized it was our anniversary. Welcome to 30+ years of marriage.

I will not be pitching Skydance my latest game show idea -- SHOW ME YOUR BIBLE -- where Jesus surprises random Americans demanding to see their Bible.

I will not be offering Skydance the pilot script for my latest prestige series -- JESUS AND THE BEAR -- where Jesus and a bear travel America solving crimes and mauling people. No, David, don't beg. I have scruples, as well as shadowy contacts in the Bulgarian market.

I just got an email from Pinterest that said "Belted Trouser Sets for You." I don't understand, but I am intrigued.

We know what this means. He's either a Trump supporter or a complete vacuum. Stop trying to make him happen. He's like a living AI. He's Bradley Cooper but not talented. He's Ryan Reynolds but not funny. Let him start fronting bad tv shows and become "Oh yeah, I think I remember him."

Reading POWERS OF DARKNESS, an Icelandic version of DRACULA from 1900. The best part is that Dracula isn't just an isolated vampire weirdo, he's at the center of an intl cabal of elites who believe people are peasants. They want to destroy democracy & rule because they deserve it. Sound familiar?

It's synergy. Efficiency. It's good economics. Put all the creative people in one place. Then fire half of them. Eliminate competitors who are now redundancies. Sell off the chaff. Then sell off the wheat. I get richer. See? Good economics. Plus people kiss my ass.

It's been an "honor" for Zaslav to treat the studio that gave us Casablanca and Bugs Bunny as his wallet. Get lost.

Imagine a wide outbreak of pneumonic plague sourced in Russia. Now imagine a wide outbreak of pneumonic plague sourced in Russia with the Trump Administration as your protection. #blackdeath

This is the most the Atlanta Hawks have been discussed in the history of that franchise.

I'm listening to an audio book about Lewis & Clark and heard a reference to Lewis' "erotic chronometer." I guess those fellows were out west a loooooong time. Then I realized it was probably "erratic." Not nearly as interesting.

I don't want to say that Sen. Schmitt's office mail should be filled with Atlanta Hawks & Iowa Hawkeyes merch until the end of time, but I don't NOT want to say that.

Today is Fat Bear finals. 89 Backpack vs. 910. Both are first-time finalists & offspring of former champs. Both are large & could easily murder you. I'll vote 89 since my candidate, perennial also-ran 151 Walker, lost. explore.org/fat-bear-week

If I was a Cornell grad, I would throw away my diploma.

This bison decided it was time to visit Old Faithful