Lucy Huber

2 Apr

Love being a woman on the internet.

27 Mar

My three year old keeps calling everyone a “wicked old pineapple”. I asked where she got it and she said “from Mitch and John’s Hotel” which, as you may remember from a previous post of mine, is the name of a TV show she made up.

27 Mar

At this point I’d pay good money for a screener of Mitch and John’s Hotel

21 Mar

I think this might be the funniest interaction I’ve ever had on social media

Do you guys think my baby is a boy or a girl???? I don’t know. I suspect girl because I’ve had a lot of migraines and have thrown up a lot and we already used the only boy name my husband and I agree on.

20 Mar

I’m so tired of people saying “you don’t even look pregnant!” I DO look pregnant. I have a massive belly. I look like I haven’t slept in days. I look terrible! Please tell me THAT. Tell me I look awful and tired and you want to let me lie down and feed me French fries while I weep.

20 Mar

When we bought our house we loved the whimsical backyard hill that led to the woods. Unfortunately we bought it in April, and did not realize it would be whimsically full of 4ft weeds by July, making it impossible for the kids to play! We finally got it re-graded! Putting up a play structure soon!

19 Mar

Officially into my third trimester today and it got me thinking: what if instead of having a job and cooking meals and taking care of my child, I just laid on the couch for the next 12 weeks?

19 Mar

Children* I am so tired I forgot I already have two children.

14 Mar

My 3yo daughter has made up two fake TV shows she pretends to watch, they are called “Mitch and John’s Hotel” and “Bird of the Season” and tbh just from the titles alone I’d watch either of them.

14 Mar

I asked if she had any more ideas and she said “Bamboo Forest. It’s about otters and a crocodilian.”

open.substack.com/pub/thepom/p...

12 Mar

open.substack.comDay in the Life of a 38-year-old mom, 27 weeks pregnant with her third child, who works part-timeHang on, I have to pee.

Got their asses

I’m not sure if they did it on purpose or not but my dentists office is staffed entirely by women, not a single man works here, and there are fruity seltzers and coffee in the lobby for free and all the decor is calming greens and golds and everyone is so nice. I love the Girls Only Dentist.

10 Mar

The best hype person when you’re pregnant is my 3yo who has no concept of beauty standards because she keeps calling me “BIG MAMA!!!! Powerful and strong!!!!”

I asked my 3yo who her favorite was, her dad or her brother and she said her brother immediately. Then I asked which is her favorite was: snakes or lizards? She said she couldn’t decide 😂

Almost 27 weeks pregnant and all normal function is slipping away from me. If I have to go up and down stairs more than 3 times a day I will die. I forgot my purse at the bus stop because all brain blood has gone to uterus. Peeing myself every time I sneeze. I still have so many weeks to go.

How do I continue to care for my two children, you ask? I do not know. Today I let my 3yo watch Disney Plus for five hour partially bc she got sent home sick from school but mostly because I literally could not get up.

Nobody in my family understands me. My husband has not been pregnant. My children are children. Even the cats have been spayed. I think the only good and fair way to be pregnant might be if you are a lesbian and your partner has also been pregnant.

28 Feb

Who wore it best in Miami Beach: me or this parking garage?

28 Feb

Special humiliation of going snorkeling 6m pregnant: I had to ask for the L wetsuit (same size as my husband) while the other woman tried on a small and the guide said “That one is too baggy! You need a smaller size!” and she said “I didn’t realize you had an XL!!!” Hers was hot pink…mine was blue 🫡

24 Feb

Got tickets to Hilary Duff on what will be my last night of maternity leave in August.💁🏼‍♀️💁🏼‍♀️💁🏼‍♀️💁🏼‍♀️

23 Feb

Honestly kind of obsessed with how insane Threads is

22 Feb

Look I get why they have to do this and it’s not their fault but our school district extended the year an extra week bc of snow days…a week into the very expensive summer camp I already pre-paid for 😭😭😭

22 Feb

Guess my son will be missing the last week of Kindergarten bc I am not paying $550 for him NOT to go to nature camp 😭😭😭

21 Feb

People on Threads are the most miserable people on Earth, I swear. She just made up a whole scenario and then got mad about it 😂

21 Feb

She’s like why did you personally hire a pony to give pony rides then??? Explain that?????

open.substack.com/pub/thepom/p...

19 Feb

open.substack.comWould I Make it as a Pilgrim Mother?No.

18 Jan

When I say you don’t know how truly unhinged Threads is until you’re on Threads, I mean it.

9 Jan

Just realized my 20 week sonogram (the big one where they show you the baby in detail and both parents go) is at the EXACT same time as the extremely competitive summer camp sign up I need my 5yo to get into. What a hilarious portrait of modern parenting.

the-pom.comI Survived Winter Break With Little KidsHopefully you did, too

9 Jan

Cue sitcom scene where the sonographer thinks my husband is cheating bc he can’t look up from his phone during the sonogram but really he’s trying to sign my 5yo up for reptile camp.

Lucy Huber reposted

The Pomegranate

@thepom.bsky.social

8 Jan

"Was it morning or evening, my children would ask. Like the early days of post-partum, I had no idea, I could only guess by trying to carbon date the apple rinds left on the couch. The bite marks looked fresh. It must be morning." @clhubes.bsky.social in The Pom today www.the-pom.com/p/i-survived...

5 Jan

“You shouldn’t be happy your kids are going back to school! Don’t you enjoy spending time with them?” Well, yes but also this is how I work when they aren’t here.

5 Jan

Showed my 3yo The Lion King for the first time and she sat silently through the whole thing and then the only question she had was “Does Rafiki eat meat?”

4 Jan

The problem with pregnancy is eating food. Which is also the solution to pregnancy problems. It’s a very confusing loop from which you cannot escape from vomiting.

2 Jan

I wasn’t paying attention to my 2yo for like 7 minutes and she unrolled an entire roll of paper towels and spread them throughout the house. When I asked her why she did that she said “I was making a cat trap.” To be fair, she caught one.

1 Jan

Lindsay knocked it out of the park with her first guest post!!!!!

This post is unavailable.

31 Dec 2025

Sometimes I think about how lucky my kids are bc when they get a gift they often kind of forget about it immediately but if they were a pioneer child it would be the most important thing in their life, all the other pioneer children would be begging for one single touch of their raccoon Beanie Baby

31 Dec 2025

Up until then they would have only had a calico sack of five dry beans scraped from the storeroom floor to play with.

buff.lyCrimes I Have Witnessed as a Resident of Washington, DCOur 15th most-read article of 2025. - - -“President Donald Trump said on Monday he was deploying 800 National Guard troops to Washington and tempo...

30 Dec 2025

Wow who wrote this????? Probably someone extremely funny and beautiful

McSweeney's@mcsweeneys.net

At #15 in the list of our 25 most-read articles of the year is this honest assessment of our crime-riddled capital.

28 Dec 2025

We are finally grading our backyard next month so we can put up a swingset and I’m more excited than when we bought our house. This is the pinnacle of adulthood for me, I’m literally moving the EARTH to make a space for my children to play. I mean not me, several men with backhoes, but you know.

28 Dec 2025

Searching for boy names and I may have stumbled upon the worst names I have ever encountered?

28 Dec 2025

Desperately hoping these are two characters in a children’s book about a family of bears.

27 Dec 2025

The worst thing about being pregnant is that I truly feel a glass of wine in a hot tub might fix everything but…

Everyone else is letting their kids just watch hours and hours of TV this week, right? No, forget it, I don’t care.

I hate being pregnant!!! I hate that all food tastes weird and I’m always itchy and I have to get up to pee three times a night!!!! I have so many children and cats and they all step on my boobs 700 times a day!!!! Why did I do this????? 😭😭

Christmas is so fun with little kids, but SO TIRING, especially pregnant, dear gos. 😭😭😭 and they’re just gonna be up at 6am again tomorrow.

The excitement! The tears! The fighting! The lack of eating anything but candy and cookies all day! The 5pm walk to try and get everyone out of the house that results in everyone pushing each other!