jasmine ♡🏳️‍⚧️🇮🇹

electric collar that shocks u every time u say sorry when u dont have to

"wow i love your dick, dude"

"you said what comes before 5 and i said its dom probably" - @relaxedpizza.bsky.social on the phone with @aprilsocks.bsky.social

my brainworms in the bathroom telling me the sound of my pee is clocky and penis coded akd im about to get hatecrimed

just overheard someone on campus with a fagcent saying "should i hex her?"

she said i can have her puppies

my little bloopy is so sleepily asleep

flapjack octopus gf: stop it.. yuore gonna make me ink >.<

im so in love 🥺

We are New Mexico!

*smackinag u with my leek*8

im the goku of ttans women

*gets down on one knee* would you make me the happiest libtard in the world?

The Wolf of My Dad's Company That He Got Me a Job At

the best part about gender neutral restrooms is that straight cis men might actually start washing their hands if they know women are in there watching them

"most animals are like 'hole is hole'" @coffeebeen.bsky.social @10:30 am

snapchat memories be like: haha hey look at this person who abused you

horses beware

PBS stands for pope be shittin

it was absolutely as good as it looks

i love al gore. big fan of his rhythms

*bites u and rotates aggressively*

for straight people, not getting your partner a "boo basket" is equivalent to stabbing them several times and saying "i hate you i hate you i hate you"

tech bros be like: its not getting cucked, its automating the workflow of plowing my wife

but i still call home that mouse in nebraska

they should make a game about uplifting women's voices

people think mario throws fireballs because its just a fictional game but its actually because hes italian and we can just do that

explaining economics to an american: ok so imagine a burger...

we're always talking about average penis sizes, but what about the standard deviation of penis size?

i just saw a communism poster defaced with a bunch of anarchist symbols and i have to say thats the most portland shit ive ever seen

palpatine if he was a dom bottom: good, anakin, good, now fuck me, fuck me now

her name is actually short for ethical cain

true

watashi wagwan minaslimes

"why isnt there a mens day?"

call me excel the way she spread me on the sheets

behe >:3

@coffeebeen.bsky.social

i keep getting ads to apply for jobs at hitachi

call me wonka the way my willy in her chocolate factory

sleazy pickup artist guy but for professional networking