dogs and cats

tornado sirens are going off in WI which signals to us we should all go outside and look 🧐 🌪

goldfish

Two Corinthians

spoiler: he cheated on his wife 🙏 We Talked To An Owner Of One Of Those Christian Men-Only Gyms That Are Going Viral www.huffpost.com/entry/men-on...

people throwing away emojis like they were throwing away their black spatulas due to mis-info 😔

All of Mitch's horses, And all his creepy men, Couldn't prop his vegetative body in front of that confederate flag again.

the tail says it all 😍

Seinfeld show dream sequence with Jerry, Kramer and Neumann as the 3 wiseman at the birth of jesus: Jerry standing awkwardly over the slimey fresh born baby jesus and says to joseph: "so, how was the sex?" Kramer: 😬 Neumann: 🤓 Joseph: "never had it" Jerry: "that's fine..."

I can't believe Alex Jones is dead, splat.

this chud gets a brake check 💯 🤫

(allegedly) in the heat of the ~1348 London area Plague outbreak, they plucked live chickens' butt areas then tied the live chicken butt to the affected human skin area leading to negative, rather than the hoped for positive, outcomes for chicken and human.

Wow, Mitch McConnell is doing the 2,200 Applalachian Trail, solo, living entirely off grid and off the land. Very impressive for a dead guy!

😍

Ive decided to sue myself in Federal Court for spilling so much coffee and not ever learning from those spill mistakes. Sad.

Pro tip for photos of your dog

We'll see if the bottom left plants have time to take root before either fish nose-spears them loose...

Just took my ebike for a good rogering in the pouring rain. Good puddles. 🌧

ebike shop is open 🚲

I unintentionally created a zombie de-neutralizer. Club them then use the pointy end for the final 🧠 plunge.

There's only 1 type of chair that can save civilization, and brunch...

there's no way around it, killer wales are dicks. they beat up the tuna because they're dicks. launching a baby seal or penguin for any reason is objectively a dick move, apex predator or not.

I predict our knee jerk reaction to spiders in the shower vs random people on the street will have done a complete polar reversal by july 27 at 6pm.

🎶 "Members of the audience it is my pleasure to introduce, and please put your hands together for, EXPLOSIVE-d!!!" 🎶

"Too many liberals today have not had their guns stolen from their unlocked car and..."

A true secretary of war would inject our troops with molten steel! Sad.

So far I've catcalled these ducks, 1 subaru impreza, a Harley which isn't my preferred body type but cool, and a Honda rebel 300 which aren't as cool as the newer upright forks bit definitely a fun bike.

dude just walked out of the library, fired up a massive harley, Pulp Fiction style, then tore right past the front door and IT'S STILL A LIBRARY IN HERE!

Holy shit the b in dumb isn't even silent if you think about it!

Dog figuring out a water toy: #AGoodPlace Source: www.reddit.com/r/BeAmazed/s...

The only swear word that slipped while teaching driver's ed for 7 years was fuck. A now 20 something chud firefighter was in the back complaining of dizziness. I began describing GTA mission 'fly helicopter to make bad guys sick' and he vomited out the window all over the side of the car. 🤣

What if trump's stupid ass spent most of his life thinking Dum-Dum candy suckers was how to spell "dumb" hence the "all lot of people don't know dumb has a b at the end and it's silent" idiocy.

Oh my god they threw lindsey graham's corpse in the reflecting swamp that's creepy!

Public pools will look like the reflecting swamp.

Mitch McConnell's career is on life support.

"The brontasaurous was as heavy as a 747..." Dude, I've never lifted a 747 but I've lifted bags of frozen peas so how many bags of frozen peas?

Not a care in the world, except for generalized anxiety disorder that is. 🫠

when you need Chinese takeout but it's monday

Sometimes life throws a curveball and you have to sit upright instead of in a reclined position.

im glad charlie kirk can stop worrying about non-dude pilots

"one massive bowl of trix cereal please kind server. and instead of low-fat milk, let's go with high-fat milk extra fat"

conservative christians are the hissing cockroaches of the wider cockroach community

essentially, trump is a far less handsome version of Brendan Fraser's character in the movie "Bedazzled"

If I ever get married in a billion dollar spectacle my wedding speech will be an hours long philibuster marathon kaleidoscope of all known relationship clichés and low hanging fruit marriage jokes...fyi

Ive seen this play out before...😬

*theyre also shaped like mini spaceships