Colin (Writes Things)

Hell yeah, Lula

*takes a hit from a pipe fashioned from a Mug Rootbeer can* My New Stepdad should change his name to New America

The real tragedy of this world is that I don't get to spend all my time just kind of wandering around.

I denounce the Baldwin Brotherhood

Just had an internet hiccup that brought down 6 different client for about 5 minutes. Then everything came back up. Every time something like this happens I think "this could finally be it. The big one. I can stop doing IT and just farm beans or whatever."

Gas prices are high and getting higher but thankfully so am I

Idly typing "I want to go skiing" into my navigation bar during the work day like a high school kid writing the name of their crush on the back of their folder during a chemistry lecture.

My son got straight A's and has taken it upon himself to help his ailing grandma, landscape the yard and sow a flourishing garden which I've long neglected, but he's failed to condemn Hassan Piker so I'll probably send him to one of those crooked teen wilderness camps I saw on 20/20.

Watching a muted episode of Sponge Bob at an airport bar in a mid-sized city nestled in the slowly dissolving superstructures of a once great empire. Seems like a good show.

Flashing back to the day that Mike Lindell was served a search warrant by federal agents at the Hardee's drive thru in my home town and my son, upon reading the news, exclaimed "What does this mean for our pillows?!"

One thing that I have to respect about Washingtonians is that even after a good chunk of town burned up and the AQI is 250+ my 70 year old neighbor is still in her back yard at 7am smoking that absolute dank shit

Officials have been screaming about fire danger for weeks. Yesterday we had a super duper special red flag warning. When I checked comment sections today there were people in Spokane who insisted the damage was done by a directed energy weapon. Anything but the truth: the rich are letting us cook.

Bumper Sticker: My Other Car Is A Pied-à-terre

"Socialism has never succeeded and will never succeed." -People leveraging all of their considerable resources to keep socialism from succeeding, rather than allowing it to fail on its own merits, which is evidently inevitable, I guess because it's good to keep busy

This Is Just To Say I have eaten the plums that were in the ice box because the plum tree over our driveway is dropping them and If I don't eat at least 3 a day you get fucking pissed at me

The entire West is burning and has been for years. My town has had harmful levels of smoke in the air for weeks. It was 100 degrees yesterday. But chuds in the comments are saying local fires are arson. Amazing what phantoms people construct to deny reality: shit is bad and noone has a plan.

Informing my landlord that the lease does not preclude me from constructing a colossal triumphal arch in the back yard

Look I couldn't have broken off the drive thru window of the pharmacy with the trailer hitch of my car--I was with Mitch McConnell all night--just ask him

I think if you field a national soccer team from a country that has done imperialism you should be forced to only play countries you've colonized--and your opponents should be allowed to kick you

Democrats: (witnessing an inspiring display of organization and voter activation on the left wing of their otherwise feckless and impotent party) This attack on us will not stand.

Somebody should ask me to be in charge of everything. I'd make them pay.

I can't believe I have to know about British people

Grillin' up them lentil burgers. 4th of July fixin to be lit.

It's impressive how many people in critical roles in the business world are actual lunatics

LOL. LMFAO even.

Wait Spencer Pratt is a real guy? I thought we were all just messing around.

Bill Gates is bad--and I think it's... nice... that people sense this. But maybe that energy should be diverted into class consciousness and not comic book level villain bullshit you can do nothing about? Everyone is being driven insane.

My local news station ran a story about Lonestar Ticks carrying Alpha-Gal Syndrome and the comment section was almost unanimously filled with like 150 people talking about how Bill Gates was dropping the ticks out of airplanes all over the country. What a time to be conscious.

American people: Shit I can't even afford gas and this lump on my neck seems to be getting bigger, but I can't miss a day of work. Administration Officials: I swear to god, the President never fucking sleeps.

Of course I'm going to run for office someday so I want to get this out of the way early: I'm a fucking monster

Just so you know there was a verdict handed down moments ago against protesters in Spokane, WA which sets a grim precedent for the Feds to press conspiracy charges against pretty much anyone who shows up to any actions involving civil disobedience

Look, my landlord and I have an understanding. I pay my rent early every month and am a quiet, responsible steward of his property and he raises my rent $100 every year because fuck me.

Resist the urge to tell people who are suddenly animated and motivated by our current political moment that things have always been shitty

Republican Politician: I think we all know that God has a cock. A great big one. I think about it every time I pray. Pretty weird that you don't.

How are the Democrats not pushing to honor the Semiquincentennial of our great 250 year old nation by attempting to raise the minimum wage to $17.76? What, do you hate America? You don't want the Patriot Wage?! Political malpractice.

It's never been easier to be personally swindled by the most powerful person in the world. What a country! www.readtangle.com/the-everythi...

It's Karl Marx's birthday and we're all celebrating by hurtling toward the common ruin of the contending classes. He'd love that!

if you complain about your job to me I should be able to invoice your boss

One neat thing about our society is how everyone assumes everything is fake and doesn't matter because they've all been driven insane

youtu.be/FZ6W1RJoNpg?...

It seems to be totally lost on our political media that our nation assassinated the head of state of another sovereign nation just a couple weeks ago.

The best thing about my theory is that I made it up wholesale to reinforce my worldview

Me in 2005 on 4/20: We should get lit and go to the sculpture garden. Then smoke a blunt and eat big sandwiches down by the river. Me in 2026 on 4/20: If I eat half that gummy I will get The Fear

Look, all I'm saying is as far as I can tell to Persian Legos never lied to me

Everything dies, baby that's a fact. But maybe everything that dies will some day come back.

the best we can hope for is the collapse of our empire with minimal carnage

Ah yes, the one day you can't trust all the things you see on the internet

Being a billionaire is a personality disorder.

CNN: Should Americans prepare for a long term economic downturn in the wake of this war? Billionaire Who Has People Chained in Their Basement: Being able to eat food is not the leading indicator we've often been told it is. Trust the process. CNN: Understood. After a break, a look at the Oscars!