Colorado Crocodile

Osama bin Laden killed the United States 25 years ago.

Believing in a higher power doesn’t make you Christian. It’s the killing of innocent people that does.

He got one thing right: Nicki Minaj is an ass.

There’s 500 million heroin and cocaine addicts in the world who used to kill bears, and now one of them has brought the measles back.

Israel keeps saying that a Hamas is hiding inside the uterus of Palestinian women to justify genocide.

Dear Tovah Feldshuh: your people are committing genocide. You are either 💯 complicit, or 💯 stupid.

“One of these days you’re going to outsmart yourself young man.” “I love it when you call me young man.”

💯

Today’s episode of “Look at The Crowd Size” is brought to you by the same people who said he obsesses over his crowd size. 🙄

The father The son The holy spirit All the same? That’s some incestuous thinking right there.

If you’re in political office and you’re still demanding answers I’d like you to know you’re doing it wrong. But you probably know that already, huh?

Odd that fElon Musk hasn’t sued anyone for saying that he rigged election results and will do so again.

So let me get this straight, the DoJ is suing because Alaskan GOPers are too stupid to research their candidates middle initial? They should sue the Alaskan Secretary of State. Better yet, they should sue someone for having a similar name. Even better yet, they should fuck off a cliff.

Believing that Elon believes the Nazis were leftists is your first problem. He knows. He also knows that maga is too stupid to know.

So the billionaires own the voting machines and the media? Tell me again how your vote is going to matter.

I would really appreciate it if people would stop calling them settlers. They’re racist terrorists.

There’s only one book that should be banned: The Bible.

I think Elon should occupy mars. All by himself.

I was going to say some shitty thing about Bill Maher, but he does a fantastic job all by himself.

She’s a twat, full of rot. Vote for Troy, be filled with joy!

I don’t know if people know this or not but Susan Collins is a twat.

Until I hear one magat say their ballot kept defaulting blue, I’m going to assume this has nothing to do with calibration and everything to do with cheating.

Ray, if someone asks you to ride in a deep sea submersible, you say no!

There are no countries in the afterlife because man drew the boundaries. If your idea of afterlife has boundaries, it’s because you’re racist.

Christians cheat all the time. With their sisters and nieces and brothers and granddaughters.

How many more people need to be murdered by those sworn to protect and serve? Bacon for breakfast. Pork chops for dinner. Eat the pigs.

When Vivek goes to prison he will be complaining about what someone else did to him.

Defaulting to Marsha Blackburn, you say? Only in a shithole country. Oh.

Wondering aloud if this gigantic security flaw discovered by AI existed in the tabulation machines in 2024. Or even in 2026.

What will all the people who don’t believe Musk changed votes in all seven swing states do when all the close races fall to republicans and the blue wave never materializes? Asking for a friend with short term memory loss.

Confused as to how I’m able to update social media feeds at any time on extended phone networks, but cannot send a simple picture to my family on any network besides WiFi.

My town is nearly entirely filled with Michaels and Trevors. We need way more Franklins.

Yeah, no shit there’s no swap for Stephen Hubbard. Russia owes the U.S. the entire Kamchatka peninsula and half of Siberia for all the orange grif….er….gifts the U.S. has given them. Oh, and gtfo of Ukraine. It’s not yours. One could argue that Russia belongs to Ukraine more easily.

Yes, I’d like to report DOGE for fraud. I’ll wait for my check.

Not only are the pigs not obligated by the constitution to protect you, they also can freely murder babies over petty theft. Defund the police. Then make some bacon and a nice pork loin.

When I say primary residence, I mean the one place I rent and can barely afford. When you say primary residence, you mean the house you own that you stay at the most out of all the houses you own. We are not the same.

If we were smart, we’d say turnout has been surprisingly POOR so far. If we were smart, we’d say DumbAssNews projects Republicans will gain seats in the Senate. If we were smart, we’d say there’s only a tiny chance we’ll take the House. If we were smart.

Since shooting shoplifters is justified, shouldn’t shooting someone who stole a whole damn country be justified too? Of course I’m talking about Dr. Gangreen….

I know a fantastic way to end all immigration: Erase all the borders.

I disavow Ted Cruz. As a matter of fact, he’s the dumbest Canadian I know.

Jan, I also watched it twice. I watched a Christian Nationalist get destroyed. You seem to have missed the part where Tommy refused to disavow his own “God before Country” nonsense.

I’m all for having uncomfortable conversations with people from the “other side” in order to strengthen human-to-human bonds. When they start polishing their gun and ogling my daughter, however, is the part I’m trying to avoid.

We are being robbed. Of our homes, our healthcare, our retirements, our recreation, our very futures. They lay off 1,000s and use the saving to buy back stocks. Aren't you tired of these thieves taking money out of your pockets?

If those who leak military plans should be shot, then why did we pause sanctions on Russia instead of shoot them?

Can’t organize missles and drones agains Russia in real time. Can’t organize nationwide protests to bring out the vote in real time. Both times, the sticking point was a billionaire. I cannot wait to eat them. #eattherich

Hey Mark, there’s uh gonna be some bad people marching in the streets cuz they think I’m a bad uh person. It would be a shame if they didn’t have a way to uh organize, huh?

There are people saying that the betrayal by the president makes no sense this close to the election. Okay. What if he has no plans to pay attention to the election results? Make sense now? Hope so. It’s almost time. I hope you’re ready.

This moment is brought to you by gun culture:

I have said it before and I’ll say it again: the House of Representatives is never going to convene again. With no House, there is no impeachment.

My county has decided to “pool the progressives” into one place for No Kings tomorrow. Considering my county is ruby red, I can only imagine it’s for surveillance purposes.