Cooleybird

THIS is why you buy physical media!

I’ve paid $86.47 the last five Quarters in fed tax. As of last week, I’ve cut my hours so that I don’t have to pay at all. I refuse to keep funding this fucked up regime.

This is why immigration is so freaking cool. The joint down the street run by three little Mexican ladies has some of the best food in town.

he works at Harsco Metals And Minerals Browns Mills Nj we should make him famous.

It’s like WarGames, but Joshua never learns to tie.

I’ve decided that next time I’m sitting in a public setting and someone is watching/listening to their phone with the speaker up, I am going to start playing white noise from my phone with the speaker up.

Has anyone seen Lil’ Eddie yet today? I hope he didn’t sleep a wink.

Just a reminder that Charlie Kirk hasn’t picked on a college student, said anything racist, or advocated white nationalism for a WHOLE YEAR!

Goddamn illiterates

Wish I took prep and process, but a Barilla Bomb + mostly follow directions on package, + a couple of hours of YouTube videos = the best tacos I’ve ever made.

Test to see if I’m shadow blocked: Post your creative WiFi names. When we upgraded to fiber, we named it Ludicrous Speed.

After six years of a mediocre mattress breaking down, our Tempurpedic mattress and adjustable base was delivered today. I’m staying up a little later and having an extra bourbon so I can melt into it later. It’s now our fourth most valuable asset, but we’re worth it, dammit.

Gee, I wonder if that’s true? Can someone confirm? 😉

My only wish today is that Thom Tillis’ nine year-old granddaughter gets raped by someone who Demented Donnie considers to be more important than he, and uses his personal lawyer Todd Blanche to make the pedo untouchable. It’s exactly what he voted for this morning. 

Scott Bessent fucks 8 year old sheep!

Two racks, one with a thick layer of Memphis dry rub, the other rubbed with Hot Honey Hog and sauced with a mix of a couple of sauces.

Second night smoked meatloaf and mashed potatoes with onion mushroom gravy, with fried green tomatoes with spicy ranch sauce.

I fucking hate it here.

Wifey went to the movies with the girls, so I made myself a summer treat.

Argentina wins! Fuck. You. Harry. Kane. I hope that golfing with the Orange pedophile haunt you for the rest of your life.

Jesus hates a hypocrite and Westboro Baptist knows “the truth.” Who’s up for S’mores?

My new favorite team in the World Cup is whoever is play the US. Lifelong American here. I fucking hate that smug orange fuck.

248 years of democracy. Yay.

I hereby announce my availability to assume the job of “female athlete gender confirmer.”

Hey child fucker, I’VE got a problem. Come do something about it you driveling pussy.

JFC DO YOUR JOBS.

Son of a bitch. One and a half episodes into “the perfect couple“ on Netflix, beef thawed and dressing made in the fridge for taco salad tonight, and the power is out with an estimation of 12:30 AM restoration. It might have to be a delivery night.

This is what happened when I stood up five minutes past feeding time and the dog barked. Fudge freaked!

When he dies, it’s not going to be an assassination that takes him out in a blaze of glory. It will be small, weak, empathetic. Just like him.

Breathe deeply and let it all quiet down. #SustoIsReal

If this is a man, I’m coming out as bi for Pride.

Got tired of losing my vape three times a day.

Happy Obama Day!

After the tarp went up to try and stop the “Berlin Wall” moment, Cliff Owen of the AP got the iconic 📸 shot. 🇺🇸

Paid my quarterly taxes. This is all the fed gets until further notice.

Hey dumbass, how the hell did they shoot down one of our fucking helicopters then? Goddamn moron.

Smoked, then grilled burgers and cucumber salad. Summer freakin’ rules.

In what fucking world is this OK???

I didn’t do anything except pay for the supplies for my neighbor the contractor to install it, but for the first time in 26 years we don’t have to lift wet clothes over the washer door to dry, and the new cabinets are going to get a whole bunch of stuff out of our over pack kitchen.

Fuck 51st state, I want to become the 11th province. SAVE US, Canada!

Whew!

Apparently the T is silent. Not many people know that.