Cooperstreaming ♿️

Ethan Klein Fans:

Here's a brand new sheet I used for 48 hours then tossed in the wash cuz of a spill. Notice the quarter sized chasm on the bottom left. Two days. One wash. I am *exhausted* with how simultaneously expensive and shitty everything is. Fuck this, sincerely.

"I'm not like a regular mom, I'm a cool mom, right Regina?" "Please stop talking"

Seatbelts, everyone! Halloween is coming up, so here's that time I dressed as Miss Frizzle 🪄✨🚍

I've noticed an influx of followers lately and I have no idea why. Has anyone else noticed this? Are these people or bots? Because I don't know why I would suddenly get more juice when I literally never do anything here 😄 all the things I know to do to build and promote an account, I ignore.

You know a way to fuck private equity? Google if your dentist, your veterinarian, your pain doctor, etc are owned by private equity, & whenever you are able (I know we aren't always able) take your business elsewhere. Starve those fuckers at every available opportunity.

I'm 41 years old. Is it too late to get into Elliott Smith? Will I just drown in a pool of depression? Have I already seen too much? (I'm kidding I'm gonna go depress myself)

Me: No kids cuz what if I had a super intelligent, terrifying child? Cousin: This is obviously the type of child you would have. Me: Horrifying. Cousin: You'd need to procreate with a very dumb person to even it out. Me: I am TRYING, you have met my boyfriends. *Uproarious laughter in the chat*

Y'all I must be so fucking bored I just agreed to let a man come over. Not for sex or anything, just like ... in my house.

Menace to democracy Elon Musk has slowed Starlink to sabotage Ukraine and help Putin. So what country will be stupid enough to pay millions to any of Elon Musk's companies when they now know that he may unilaterally breach contracts for personal reasons on a petulant whim? Oh, I know! The US.

Few joys rival connecting with a woman who has been screwed over by the same man and talking a prodigious amount of shit.

I think my biggest curse in life is that if I've loved you once, I'll love you forever. Friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, doesn't matter. My daddy laughs and says, "You're just like me.". And I am whether I like it or not.

It's October & I was really thinking I wasn't gonna find the song this year that can't help but I play on a creepy loop until it drags me into an alternate dimension, but I did. This year it's The Peace by underscores. open.spotify.com/track/6wm3t4...

Facebook memories alerted me to this post about how I respond to strange men asking overly intimate questions within 30 seconds of meeting me to seem "deep".

I've only used the app like five times in my life, but I watched this 10 second Tiktok I made 5 years ago while in a deep, deep pit of despair, and it's so fucking funny 💀

A weird thing about being 40 is that I still look like a version of myself from my twenties and thirties, just, you know... a little older. My ex boyfriends look like bald white haired santas waiting for death and it's wild to see.