Christopher Monks

Christopher Monks

@crmonks.bsky.social

Editor of McSweeney’s Internet Tendency. Author of The Ultimate Game Guide to Your Life. Dominator of waiting rooms. Fragile fan of the Dolphins, Sixers, and Red Sox.

6.4K followers481 following810 posts

Christopher Monks
@crmonks.bsky.social

Almost Sixerish in the bad luck here. Watch them still win, tho. They have three firsts next year to trade too.

Shams Charania Tweets@shamsbot.bsky.social

BREAKING: Oklahoma City's Jalen Williams has a dislocated left ankle and fractured fibula; Cason Wallace has a torn labrum in his left shoulder. Both will undergo surgery and be sidelined for several months -- most, if not the entire season.

Christopher Monks
@crmonks.bsky.social

Veronica Cartwright is like, “Didn’t need to know this!”

Anthony Strand@durwoodclapper.bsky.social

With Tom Skerritt's passing, the cast of Alien have so far died in the same order as the director's cut (where they find Dallas still alive waiting to become a cocoon): 1) John Hurt 2) Harry Dean Stanton 3) Ian Holm 4) Yaphet Kotto 5) Tom Skerritt It's macabre, sure, but it's also fascinating.

Christopher Monks
@crmonks.bsky.social

Suddenly am overcome with an overwhelming feeling of dread… what has become of this sordid life??… what have I deserved to be cast this horrible fate???… oh wait… I’m just a Sixers fan and the season is starting. Carry on.

Christopher Monks
@crmonks.bsky.social

Saw the Fielder/Holmes movie. It’s just as riveting and captivating as everyone is saying. That said, this long running bit with him becoming emotionally entangled with his subjects? Not sure what to make of it!

Christopher Monks
@crmonks.bsky.social

A big blow to non-lawyer lawyers everywhere.

Kyle Griffin@kylegriffin1.bsky.social

BREAKING NYT: Trump's new press secretary, Katie Zacharia, was fired Friday, after less than a week on the job, according to three people familiar with the matter.

nytimes.comKatie Zacharia, Trump’s New Press Secretary, Is Fired After 5 DaysThe ouster came as Ms. Zacharia was shadowed by questions about how she had presented her legal career and handled her first press briefing.
Christopher Monks
@crmonks.bsky.social

LIFE UPDATE: I accidentally pants-pocket deleted an app on the first page of my home screen and can't figure out which one it was and it's driving me bonkers but I am going to power through because death eventually comes for us all, guys.

Christopher Monks
@crmonks.bsky.social

Claimed all his ties to Russia were a hoax. Started a war with Iran no one but the aged and depraved wanted. Then paid Russia for oil when things went bad. 4-D chess at its finest.

Christopher Monks
@crmonks.bsky.social

Watching an audio-less stream of the Sixers' blue-and-white scrimmage game because I am a sicko. JB just subbed in for LeBron. That's a sentence I never thought I'd write. #Sixers

Christopher Monks
@crmonks.bsky.social

Love Tilda, but this has already been done. www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/ten...

mcsweeneys.netTen Objects Around Your House That Are Actually Just Tilda Swinton Getting Lost in a RoleNovember 5, 2021 (her b-day) 1/13/23
New York Magazine@nymag.com

Tilda Swinton is writing a memoir. But get this: it’s a little different from the normal celeb tell-all. ‘Material Evidence’ will eschew linear narrative, instead examining Swinton’s life through a series of objects.

vulture.comCan You Believe It? Tilda Swinton’s Memoir Will Be Unconventional.Tilda Swinton is writing a memoir. But get this: it’s a little different from the normal celeb tell-all. ‘Material Evidence’ will eschew linear narrative, instead examining Swinton’s life through a series of objects.
Christopher Monks
@crmonks.bsky.social

Am suddenly overcome with an unbearable wave of dread. What has become of this sordid world? What have I done to deserv… oh wait, just realized I am about to watch my Red Sox play an elimination game at Yankee Stadium.

Christopher Monks
@crmonks.bsky.social

Eric Schmitt doomscrolls in a Senate restroom stall. As notifications of delivered packages of Hawkeyes jerseys pile up back in his office, he suddenly realizes why his ticket for the “Tigers” game this weekend is at the zoo.

Christopher Monks
@crmonks.bsky.social

Purposely picking the least popular side on every issue, even the ones your followers support, is called a “Trump Dump.”

Aaron Rupar@atrupar.com

Trump: "You're gonna see that data centers are gonna be very popular"

Christopher Monks
@crmonks.bsky.social

The sun just made an appearance here for the first time in five days, and what, I'm supposed to thank it for returning after abandoning us? I'm supposed to be grateful for this seriously messed-up relationship?

Christopher Monks reposted

Andy Craig
@andycraig.bsky.social

She's much likelier to win Senate, but also not running for president pulls the field to the left more than running would. Running means she has the leftmost lane locked up and everyone else is competing over the rest. Not running means those votes are up for grabs, they're worth trying to get.

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Christopher Monks
@crmonks.bsky.social

The McSweeney’s piece that sold 10,000 mugs is now coming for the thermos crown.

McSweeney's@mcsweeneys.net

This limited-edition stainless fucking steel travel thermos is here to pull you back from the edge, bring you literal dozens of Instagram likes, and almost make you feel something for the first time in a fucking decade while you guzzle down the hot or cold liquid of your choice. buff.ly/jj5JxI3

buff.ly"It's Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers" Stainless Steel Travel ThermosHold your fucking horses, this is a preorder. Look, we whiffed it majorly, and this cottage-core fucking nightmare won't be getting to you until early October. We hope you can survive. Love a shiny…